Saturday, September 30, 2006

I realise that when I was travelling around SEA with Thiyachai, I had no problems sleeping. Every night was sweet and sound and I wouldn't wake unless Thi wanted to forcefeed me medicine, or I was ill or something.

But other then that, and despite the strange and sometimes less then comforatble setting, I'd sleep peacefully.

Then Thi left, and that night was the longest ever. I was lost. I belonged to no one.

And tonight I'm up at 2.30, exhuasted but afraid to turn in becuase i know that I will wrestle restlessly in bed. I think it has something to do with the fact that I have nowhere, and no one to belong to.

Daddy suggests that my time in Canada is up, and that I should come back to NUS to do law. Finally, maybe some semblence of a stable community.

But for now, my soul and skin will yearn to connect. and I will go to bed, a little more weary then normal.

Friday, September 29, 2006


She's just pieces of me you've never seen.

Maybe, it's time to wave goodbye.
DAMMIT DQ!! Alright alright...

Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head, without reading the questions below. Tag 5 more people to do this quiz.

1. Angie
2. DQ
3. Ling
4. Cherry
5. Belmont.
6. Darius
7. Dennis
8. Erwin
9. Seth
10. Shiyu
11. Tristan
12. Gladys
13. Shubs
14. Major Tombo
15. Mel
16. Sarah
17. Glen
18. Robby
19. Curto

How did you meet no.14?
This is a great story. So I'm this mousy first year kid who stumbles into class half an hour early since the class before ends then. And I'm sitting around the geography lab with this intimidating vocal guy. We talk. And one day I squeak that I'm from Singapore.

HEY! I'm going to singapore on exchange!
COOL! we should meet up.

So we did. and although he thought I was a crazy christian and didn't talk to me till we bumped into each other again in my third year, our friendship is a great story.

hear that tom?? A great story!!

What would you do if you never met no.1?

Angie?? Oh lord, that's a good question. I wouldn't have know grace like I know today. And not known what support means. I would be a lot less today I think.

Did you ever like no.19?

Curtis? Always. Especially for the time when he told me to live my story well. He's my inspiration for a lot.

Would no.6 and no.17 make a good couple?


Describe no.3.

She's my idea of cool. Absolutely intimidated me in JC with the fact that she won't let people push her around, but was really patient with me and my constant need to eat and sleep during group work. And she has this wicked way of describing things. Quirky.

Do you think no.8 is attractive?

We had a conversation like, 10 minutes ago. About his arms. :)

Tell me something about no.7.

I would have to tell you my life story.
But lets keep it short and in his words:

I like drums.

Do you know any of 12's family?

Yes. Her mother, her brother, her stuffed animals.
And Fong.

What's no.8's favorite?

Favorite what? Dream Theatre?

What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?

The same thing that I do everytime I meet him.
Roll my eyes.

It's been 10 years. seriously.

What language does no.15 speak?

English, some french, some chinese. and I think he was picking something else up. Thai?

Who is no.9 going out with?

Uh... not right now please.

How old is no.16 now?

a good ol 22.

When was the last time you talked to no.13?

Over email today, Over msn a week back i think and in person last month.
And it used to be everyday. :(

Who's no.2's favorite band/singer?

IF i remember it right. MB20.
And cake.

She got me addicted too.

Would you date no.4?

I think most people would agree that that would be *very* scary

Would you date no.7?

I'd marry him.

Is no.15 single?


What's no. 10's last name?

CHING! Two visits to my sports club and an email address.
And I still want to say Teo or Lim.

Would you ever be in a serious relationship with no.18?

Hell 4 years of friendship sounds pretty serious to me.

Which school does no.3 go to?

None! She's a proud Graduate!

What's your favorite thing about no.5?

His humor. Has got to be his humor. The way he takes the most ridiculous, brings it a notch higher and coats it with ice.

Just one thing? The list would go on.

Have you seen no.1 naked?

No. You should ask her that about me.
I still laugh.

Alright who's left to tag? Let's bring this to North America: I tag Mel, Sarah, Shu and Glen.


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Now this is something right up my ally.

Join me in Singapore. Anyone?
I was a bitch today, I snapped at a staff member in North Point Shopping center for doing his job. Meep, I do a very good job at manifesting meanness is different ways. Oh how I am lacking in so much.

And I only want to be good.

I had an absolutely fabulous lunch with beautiful today, skyped with Mel and studied with my brother. It feels like my soul had an absolutely fabulous meal and yet is still hungry for more.

I get it, I've got a hole in my soul.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Born on a monday, died on sunday,
this is the end of Solomon Grundy.

No, not quite. After 5 years apart walking in different directions, it's nice to be able to be with each other again, over dinner and games. Being the same and yet different.

How can you guys not know U2 and the Grateful Dead?

And walking back to the MRT, I wondered if I'd like to be more of the outside world. Perhaps to be abled to dress up more, be prettier, be less of a little sister and more of ... naaaaaaahhh. Even if I'm a little peeved that a table of people laughed at my ponytails and huge headphones today, at least I can confidently say that I am no slave to societal expectations.

Mmmmmm, moments like today make me desire the infinite. That I might never lose a single soul that crosses my path.

Monday, September 25, 2006

You are my sweetest downfall

Dear Seth. The infamous ex-boyfriend from Minnesota. Amidst all the fights, the frustration, the fear and finally, the pain, you've been to date my sweetest downfall.

you're real
~ Seth

No, not a downfall at all. But a beautiful imprint on my soul. Whether we'd share a white picket fence, a white bedsheet, or sit across a white ocean staring into the void, our journey doesn't end here. Oh well.

The bible didn't mention us, not even once.

And for once, this was purely mine, and I found what was purely me.

You are my sweetest downfall.
I loved you first.

Samson ~ Regina Spektor

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Overheard at Bedok

"'re wearing a skirt. Wait here, I go buy 4D."
~ Belmont to me

And indeed I was, and I'm still in it as I blog this. And somewhere along the night, staring up at the bright yellow lights at the Sembawang bus station, I think the lady in me whimpered a little, and asked to be resurrected.

"Do I look funny in a skirt?"
"No, you look like a real girl lor."

Yay. So I actually do have 2 X-chromosomes. They're just a little shy.

Tristan stood Belmont and myself up today. We were meant to jam at 3 and by 6.45 Belmont and I were heading home after a useless day strolling by the beach. I hope this isn't his idea of a joke. But then I realise that I should be fuming mad. And I'm not.

This made me think: Despite what I seem to portray, I am really a very bitter angry person deep down inside. I just don't know how to show it and end up ranting against the church and social injustice. Basically nebulous institutions that really end up being shells. So it's ok if I rail against them and hurl abuses. They don't feel anything.

So all my anger sweeps and swells, inside.

"Yeah! I just really want to beat someone up!"
~Myself to Belmont, to which he responded with widened eyes and a nervous giggle.

Does my theory make sense?
I tend to waste my time and energy on things useless and exhausting. I need to learn to make wiser decisions with my life.

Talking to Tristan today, I saw myself a core surrounded by beautiful beings, each of whom had a piece of my heart. Some more then others, some less appropriately then others. And then I thought about it and wondered how a life partner would fit into all of this. He would need to be able to take back all these pieces while yet leaving them there. In other words, he'd have to be able to multiply my heart and enlarge my soul, so much so that he can fit in here, while I fit out there.

And to Tristan, faithful friend: Stop kissing the sexy beast!

[Edit : 0123 hrs]

I sometimes find that I am untrue/fake/plastic only for fear that were I to speak of myself, you would get bored or disinterested. And in insecure love, I'd then only want to talk about you.

And so Robby, thank you for being otherwise.