Friday, November 10, 2006

I really have nothing intelligent to say. Maybe this.

Words, words, words, have you heard
A bird in hand is much better than,
Any number free to wander
Fly away...stay
You pay for what you get
You pay for what you get

Everybody asks me how she's doing
Since she went away
I said I couldn't tell you
I'm okay, I'm okay
Surprise, surprise you pay for what you get
You pay for what you get
[Pay for what you get ~ DMB]

Yes. Nothing in the relational realm happens by chance. Here is where concious decision-making has the most impact. Two together, to create and call into being. I might have left, but put simply, you didn't stay. And I'm glad you didn't.

So the difference between the promises made today and those uttered two years ago, is that these today were made with a sincere, and not desperate, heart. And that these today were made by a soul with the strengh, will and conviction to carry them, and me, through.

I stood staring quizzically at the two cups of teh and the blueberry muffin trying to cheograph the feat of carry three items within the reaches of my two small hands.

“啊,那边有 tray 你可以拿来用。” The drink store uncle suggests.

It then dawns upon me that I have the solution to end all problem: “不用!我有男朋友!”

So I turn around and hollar across two or three tables, "Boyfriend!!". And as sure as the sun rises, he turns his head in my direction, stands and walks over with the muscle needed to carry the two tiny cups of tea back to the table.

'... no wonder the uncle looked so amused. But I think I can handle that.'

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Haha! You're in love!
~ Dustin's email to me.

Yes sweetheart, I am in love.

With Belmont, my mother (who held me while I took my jab), my father, my brother, you Dustin, and your sweet girl Belle, with my cousin Isabelle, with Gladys who loves me dearly too, with Angie with whom I need to date, with Erwin, with Jacky, Nick and his posse, Major Tom, Andy, Ling, Jiayin, Andrea, Darius who completes Belmont and I, Curtis, Sue, Shubs, Sarah, Mel, Glen, Thiyachai CB hubby, Joshie and Lyndis, Greg and his family, Shawn Tan, Shaun Quah and Glen, Ian Tann and his lady Theng, DJ, Aruna, Seth oh darling Seth! Cherry Werry and Deeq, Robbay Boy and his sweet christmasy family, Summerland! Luke kor kor- waltz back into my life, Neel from sweet Manitoba, hell Manitobans are great. Jemi, Jud, and Jules, Alvin and Fern, Amy hale-smith - sweet aims, Simon in vietnam, Tristan Siu and how he brings music out of me, Sean Kong, Daniel Foo and Daniel Tay, Ziig - best friend of the exboyfriend who engages me with wicked music and love stories about God. Doc John, Tess and Ain, Daryl Tng so far away, Jian Wei with whom I share sacred mutual trust, Andre, Hannah Greenspan and Tony and Jen, UBC who made me and my dreams possible, Jeff who stretched beyond the depths of language to hold my hand, Frank and Jane who drive me home on cold thrusday nights, the Ache and Malaysian men who found me eavesdropping on them in MACs, The CRC choir with Nat, Vince and Roger fleeting and intriguing, J and magic and some point, Borey from Cambodia, Dawn fung and Deanna - from different ends of the globe with the same vision, trees, grass, water, light, dark... Belmont.

I am in love.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

It's ok to lie.
~ My father on biblical principles.

It basically boils down to the question of honoring God. Which do you worship, the precepts or the person? Think Rahab, think Samson, think King David... I will not bother to elucidate. If you don't agree, then don't. Don't let this stumble you.

And then today, I walked past the FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT store in Junction 8. I stopped and stared at the obscene ads for their FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT discount cards and FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT original-product garuntee. Can I help you? Of course it would come from the sweet young thing behind the counter, itself clad in a FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT. I then proceeded to give her a piece of my mind.

I came back later with the boyfriend, and pointed out the 'SOCIAL HAZARD - I WILL NOT CONFORM' black hoodie that was proudly displayed, a true marker of funkiness. Of course, it conformed entirely with the social lingua franca of American Coolness. And with it, the hope to encase an eager drug and alcohol-free celibate christian body who's conciousness is entirely immersed in the world's notions of consumerism, capitalism and social cannibalism.

Monday, November 06, 2006

My mother tells me that I shouldn't have gone into a relationship with Belmont as it is very hard to make a decision while being overseas. I think the decision has already been made.

'I never thought I'd be able trust anyone as much as I trusted Dennis. But with this guy, I trust him more.'
'Can he trust you?'

Oh please have faith in me.

And then there are the people who stand in marked contrast to me. Almost in hostility, and for no reason other then a difference in opinion. I have made it a mandate to live in peace with all Man and to love as deeply (and faithfully) as possible. I will try not to tire of being good. But what makes difference a reason for defence and hostility anyway? Only because we think we're the core of the universe. Seriously.
I haven't been updating only because I do not wish to sicken the general public of the details of how head-over-heals I am in love with the Boyfriend. I would like to exercise some consideration for the public. This is, afterall, on public domain.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

I am so windswept and fickle. I belong both here and there, in Singapore and Vancouver. I want to love each correctly. I do not want to betray, nor fawn needlessly over either. Dear Lord, give me wisdom and truth in being.

~ Krono's dad.