I realise the worst relationship you could have with someone is when you know the person without knowing him.
Like a neighbour, or someone down the street.
You want to say hi, but you're not really sure. Not quite there yet.

I'll be back in society tomorrow.

We're all exactly the same I realise. Same thoughts, feelings, reactions and processes.
It's just the packaging that gets in the way.

But even so, being infinite wouldn't really help at all.
All you need is love: in it's strictest, purest sense.

Then maybe, walking out of my door wouldn't be so hard.

There was an ice hockey game on TV while I was fixing dinner in the lounge today. My floormate was rooting for Calgary in the game between Calgary and Vancouver but I didn't really care. Maybe if it were soccer or netball or something closer to home I might've cared a tad bit more. This just wasn't my culture.

Then some bloke on TV started singing O Canada.
It was the first time I heard the Canadain National Anthem.
Legalisitcally, my anthem.

Only then did it dawn upon me, the weight of my decision to come. That if I wanted, this land could be mine as much as Singapore is. That technically this land was mine by birthright, and more so then if I had simply migrated here

I'll be 20 in a few days time, 21 soon enough.

So, what will it be?

It's snowing madly. Beautifully. Like feathers.
Nothing softer, more etheral or more transcient.

Smother me.

Drowned

Still looking for belonging, affection and integration.

This is my religion.

So it's 2004. I entered this year a little high on coolers, with cameras and chips at a party that was hosted by a complete stranger. It wasn't that bad really....

hyper-friends


Me with friend who had tooooo much to drunk. I mean drink.


This was not planned. Adrian you dweeb!!


nor was this. Adrian you double dweeb!!


Me with groovy chick


I know what you did Last year


Way to go to the groovy chick back there who can do 163 blows in 1 minute with one nostril.
Charming


And we played nintendo and cards. And I was buried in the snow. Twice. came running back in, shivering, with cuts and bruises and snow down my crack. And They were doing some kinda weed thing i think. My jacket came out covered in ash.

Yes it was a pretty ok party.
But No, it was a terrible way to usher in the new year.

2004 crept in under a blanket of swearing, irritation and impatience.
We started this pristine brand new year, shivering in the slush, swearing at automated Translink messages, stranded at the 22nd and Rupert busstop. Grumpy. Pissing everyone off. Now would be a good time to roll into the gutter and proclaim 2004 to be a complete and utter failure.

But I won't I guess, that's where God's grace comes in I guess. To salvage.
That's what was missing as the needle rolled over 12.

God.

Today I wrestled, fought, built and played...

in a winter wonderland.

Adrian wearing his heart out on his face


Note: it almost never snows here


This baby has like 5 parents


I love this shot. Looks like the thing slapped Adrian


Post Soccer Damage


And it seeps into even when you're showering. When Adrian decides to sneak up into the next cubicle to dump snow on unsuspecting you.

You ought to be slapped.

1 down 7834729 to go

I will never never never rid myself of dirt and ugliness.

Time to get down on my knees, and this time, stay down.

as I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord...

The world is melting. Slipping and sliding as the sun does its work.
The world is metling. With snow and ice turning to slush and water.
The world is melting. Disintegrating, falling apart, defeated. Helpless

But I bet there's still beauty tucked away somewhere. I sure hope so.

There are few pleasures in the world that can measure up to waking up on a wintry morning to see the sun stream in and the world engulfed in a curtain of snow. Especially if it's the day after christmas, and you're wearing your christmas present: warm wooly pajamas with sheep bears and clouds. Beautiful.



But why can't I help but... eat?

Fire and Ice

It's snowing here at UBC.

And I'm in love. Still.