Because he's talking to you...

Dear all in BKK, you know I love you, so I won't expound on this subject anymore. If I do, it'll get dry. I was afraid to leave, because I am afraid to lose you and what we had. Oh well. One day.

In the north eastern sky
Down the sun in my mind
He's making his way into our world
It's a long way to go
Five days in a row
Oh but Hannah she knows what's good for him

And you'll see him
you'll feel him
Because he's talking to you

And Hannah we know, he's gone

Hannah We Know ~ Tiny Dancers

Happy Birthday Mumsy

I've always seen my mother as the perfect example of doing great things by pouring out your life for others, so that others can take off and change the world.

I'd like to learn that, right now, and move powerfully, albeit unseen.

Thank you Mumsy, I wouldn't be who I am today if not for you.

水

I was 15 when I decided that my element was water. Of course, I was embarrassed to have such significant information bestowed upon me by Amy Tan. I am unfortunately so Anglo that the best of my cultural heritage is bestowed upon me by an Asian-American. But that is a gripe for another day. I am Asian - Canadian anyway.

Anyway. my element is water. I've known that full well. Sitting with Thi by the Tadlo falls in Laos - or rather, I was floating in the stream and he was pawing the shore like a finicky cat - I found a smug sense of belonging in the fluid flesh of the falls. And what was it that I said? That I, as liquid (and protean) in my footsteps as I am, am apt to take the path of least resistance. What else do we expect of water? "Ah! But it doing so, I carve canyons out of stone!" I defended myself against the apparent notion that I am, in my watery ways, intrinsically weak. In great weakness there is great strength, and in strength - weakness.

Then I discover that water is as violent as she is soft. Her rage in all its tsunamic blindness calls all others to beg pointlessly for mercy. And she takes, and crushes, and destroys everything beneath her indiscriminate thumb, leaving behind numb bodies and uncomprehending minds.

And this is where I am. Perhaps. Being driven unwittingly by my blind surges of intensity, I find myself rolling on forward, through time and tasks, spaces and people. I keep moving keep pushing keep racing ahead running on breath so hard it hurts to breathe.

The crest of my wave breaks and after the crash subsides, I lie still and silent. Stunned by my journey - too hard and fast. I realise that I have been blinded by my perceived importance of being, such that I ceased to find my harmonious part in anything else. My world was flooded by my immense wave of unbridled severity that I have destroyed most everything else.

有山有水 － Balance! Balance!
I ought to know. Or at least, ought to learn.
In my insistence in being who I am, please don't let me destroy everything that otherwise validates me.

So here, in my strongest of strengths, lies my most fragile weakness.

I AM SO IN LOVE WITH MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO START LAW SCHOOL .
I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I always fear leaving. I fear the bitter taste of farewells on my tongue. They don;t seem to go well with me nowadays. Which is a darn good thing - it means that I am happy. wherever I am.

When I love, I love with every ounce of my being. I tint my own glasses, and happily relegate myself to complete irrationality.

Well then, my life IS charmed.

I'm burning...

I yearn for the past.
Some are just special beyond comprehension.

...I'm learning that some things I can't go without, and one of them is him.

So this is what it feels like to be trapped between a rock and a hard place, or between the devil and the deep blue sea.

Only thing is, I love both.

Oh. I guess that was the point of it anyway.

heh.

I was listening to Collide, and was hit by a pang of nostalgia. But in all, I am simply confused. I cannot tell which is worth what.

And btw, I'm back from Japan. :) It was good.

JAPAN. Is awesome.

So i got off the plane, and spent two and a half hours getting to Seth's apartment. On the way I made one Japanese friend with whom I conversed with in Kanji and Guidebook japanese, and broken english.

She was cool.

AND HARAJUKU TODAY!

JAPAN TOMORROW!