I'm born in the year of the pig, btw.

Ok, maybe the choice for happiness is a lot easier for me to make.

As Much as I Love Singapore...

...It has its moments

I feel dark inside. My happiness is strong only because it doesn't simply come to me, I choose it.

I haven't updated in a while, and that's because I've been having a blast and everything has been going as planned. But then again it has all just started and who knows what is kept in store. There is much to be done and I need to learn time management (yes, even on holiday, the mundane reminders of my insufficiencies somehow find their way back into the mis-en-scene of LIFE).

But I'm never free, I think, from my vices that have been drilled incessantly into me by the efficient fingers of the system - I am kiasu, and I am afraid that I am losing out on a brighter piece of life, somewhere, somehow. Even while capering around with the family at the night safari, I just had to remind myself that this is all ephemeral, willfully shrouding myself in some sort of dark depression, as if prematurally mourning the passing of good times - now.

And then wide-eyed and watching people around me carefully craft new building blocks in their lives, I panic at the thought of my once malleable potential hardening into a fixture. I think I thrive on potential and not perfection, as if perfection to me were static and stone: unchanging and dead. But potential, is baby fresh and in prenatal bloom - you can imagine all that she might be and of course, theory always looks better then reality. Which is why I live in theory, and am very afraid of finding myself trapped within the confines of whatever reality presents. I'm afraid of discovering how small I really am, and how far short I fall from the standards. Yes, I am that insecure.

Maybe I just need to restructure my values, or take greater care to watch my slippery self (I'm SO sensitive to my surroundings), or maybe I really just ought to get gritty on myself and kick myself in to some form of a decent shape. I know no discipline, physically or mentally. And I pretty much think this will be my downfall. So here I am, on holiday - panicking.

Where was I? Oh yea, I'm having a blast.

Thank you for making 1L easily the best year of my academic life. You know who you are.

Well, at least my nightmare didn't come to pass.

When I get home. I am going to EAT.

:)

So so happy.

But I must remember not to let my grades destroy my life. Dear God, grant me the ability to deal with whatever comes my way.

From the Horse's mouth.

[I love you.] what i am actually lookin for is pretty simple: some reciprocity and fairness as in the old christian adage at least...or the Kantian categorical imperative.

~ Boyfriend.

Hey Shorty, whats up! You're the most unexotic Asian girl I've met, sorry. You're special in so many ways. Wuvs you! Meow... Hannah, breathe. Oh Hannah, you're so wise, but so wrong. Touche! Hanners! You're so weird. I think you're going to be wealthy one day, just a feeling. I think you're not going to finish, Hannah, you're in Vancouver for a reason but you don't know what, and you don't feel like you belong. You discovered you had friends.

UBC 1L for Hannah ~ Truth and love.