I realize that when this river finally flows out into the open sea of the past, all that I would have missed out on is the opportunity to befriend, to know, to love and to give of myself. But it isn't as if such gifts are absent from my daily life anyway and so really, if there is a loss at all, it isn't mine.

In other news, I am glad to be surrounded by all these brains I can PICK.

I am starting to feel that if I applied myself to the things that I need to do now, I might succeed.

Like, getting those student loan and exchange papers in order. Then my taxes.

eeeughh..

You wanna make me sick, you wanna lick my wounds, don't you, baby?
You want the badge of honour when you save my hide.
But you're the one in the way of the day of doom, baby, if you need my shame to reclaim your pride.

You feed the beast I have within me.
You wave the red flag, baby you make it run run run, standing on the sidelines, waving and grinning.
You fondle my trigger, then you blame my gun.

And when I think of it, my fingers turn to fists, I never did anything to you, man.
But no matter what I try you'll beat me with your bitter lies.
So call me crazy, hold me down, make me cry; get off now, baby, it wont be long till you'll be lying limp in your own hand.

Limp :: FA

I enjoy my daily decisions.

I am ashamed, but grateful, that when wisdom did not restrain me, fear did. I am learning to listen to the former.

It is empowering to see that meaning lies in our capacity to construct it, and not in any intrinsic valuation of the thing itself. The latter is deception.

Is this the best you can do? I asked God one day. He said: No, it's up to you. I rest my happy happy case.

I can't be held responsible, she fell in love in the first place. Ahhh... the brother I thank God I don't have.

If there's one thing I enjoy completely, it's losing myself in music.

The mornings here are beautiful. I enjoy watching the sun filter through the dense clouds, washing dew-drenched leaves with an orange shower that drizzles in time with the songs of the birds. Then there are the crowded train rides to work that, while stuffy, take me off the ground. Sometimes, the train zips by alongside a bird in mid-flight, and I can see them suspended in air, arching out their wings as they are lifted by the breeze, silent, if not for the rush-hour traffic. But the best part is how I find myself at eye-level with the flaming flowers that garnish the tree-tops or lush green carpetry of the tropical rainforest.

It is morning. And I still fucking hate you.

[Scene: A quaint birthday gathering at work with two tables set out with cake, cheese, fruit and crackers. Diplomats, programme directors and administrators milling around. Hannah finds herself in conversation with 2 foreign diplomats and someone from the MFA]

MFA: So, Hannah, are you enjoying your internship here?
Hannah: Yeah! I'm really enjoying myself, it's great!
MFA: That's good to hear, what about it do you enjoy?
Hannah: This is the first place that I've worked at where people actually leave at 5.30pm!

It's gonna be a while before someone hires me into their diplomatic service.

----------------------------------------------------------

In other words:

That was... that's just... he has absolutely no finesse.
~ ILS

Alternative points of view are always appreciated. :)

What was it that Ivan was saying again? Flanked by grey-white paintings in the pristine elegance that is the SAM, amidst the adorable toddlers that tugged at my heartstrings, he said: In the game of chess, you sometimes need to lose first to control your opponents moves. Ahhhh... the night festival, art, music, juice, trinkets, lights and sounds, and all this folding in on me telling me things I had forgotten.

This is me, totally.