Seth and I are back together again.
I cannot justify my actions.

I only know that God loves me and I cannot earn my way into his courts by giving up this relationship. And that that commanding voice that told me that God is disgusted with me isn't the voice of truth. And that the spirit I have had in my act of obedience was riddled with pride and self-sufficency.

To obey is better then to sacrifice.

And in this moment right now, I finally have peace...

Seth:

um, but god is still your #1 priority right?
(i hope so)

i want you to be happy
and i want our relationship to be honest, and loving, and good
but within the boundries of your faith

i'm just afraid of you sacraficing something for me
i dont want you to change your way of life, your way of belief, just to be with me... i'm glad if you are changed by being with me... but i want it to be a natural change, not an active conscious change
you change me too

Dear Lord, I think we can talk again.