Saturday, July 16, 2005

Costly Grace

It's 2.30 in the morning so I will be rather incoherent.

2 months ago Dustin emailed me about "The cost of discipleship". He said that he was very unsatisfied with our lives as christians, that it's not costing us anything. He refered to Luke 9 alot and was very. very. very. troubled by the words of christ.

So today, 5 of us got together for our first study on Bonhoeffer. Thankfully I got the book off Josh (thanks buddy!) before leaving for Canada. To be precise, 12 hours before i left. I almost didn't get it. I think God's trying to say something to me.

I didn't necessarily agree with Dustin on everything. But that's ok, i do believe that we have different roles to play and different paths to walk. But I am very grateful for what he has flagged and what he stands up for. Yes. our lives have to be given up for/to Christ. Yes it should cost us more then we're living now and yes, we have to tell the story, witness and minsiter to. We;re dealing with big big things here baby.

So I take all that, and look at what i hold in my hands. My life, my understanding, my journey and my circumstance. I believe that what i need to do now, is work on my relationship with Christ. I need to be Christ-centered not "I believe this" or 'I believe that' but that "Christ is..".

I need to start spending time with God. Not just because i want to strenthen my spiritual walk, but becuase He has redeemed me, and loves me, and wants my fellowship. It's not a job I have to do, not a concept I need to grapple with, but a person who wants to be with me. I need to fall madly in love.

Then I will be able to love genuinely, preach the gospel with authority, and share His gospel incessantly. You can't fake a life.

Dear God. I always say that I'll start tomorrow. Tomorrow really never comes.
If we knew how much it cost...

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