I don't know if this is what depression feels like, but judging from 'shopgirl' (the less then spectacular Miramax movie) I seem to be fading into a similar state of being as Ms Protagonist. At any rate, I am not so much interested in whining about how I feel as opposed to expressing it. I wonder if there's even a difference.

Someone once lamented about the solipsism of blogging. "A selfish enterprise" she called it, but nonetheless she is still blogging today. If it's anything that this does to the individual is to perpatuate whatever self-absorbing spirial one finds himself engaged in.... blah. whatever. cyber-introspection already.

Anyway, today woke up to a strange Hannah. I'm not about to propose that I was normal and the rest of the world was strange, but really, I think on strange days, it's really me who's gone kooky. It was calm, the world outside the kitchen window was white and softly breathing. The diamonds that blacket are, actually (so sorry to burst your bubble santa) ice. Malice. The quiet demons that suppress reality in all its gore and brokeness with etheral light. Like the eye of the storm. And I wonder, as I shared with God on tuesday, and later with Andre on the way to school, where do all the homless people go? And this further begs the question of are we so selfish that we can only see warm fires and hot coca and fail to heed the dying bodies around and inside us?

God's holiness is his establishment in the world.

But anyway, the stangeness of my being today came primarily from standing on the brink of existance, and yet being prevented from diving into it. I desire action, move me, let me move. Lately, I confess my mind has been drifting of onto a black wooden stage where I simply dance my heart out with imaginary limbs. I am hardly interested in reality. Or at least, what I have conceived to be reality. Perhaps there is a greater reality out there, or in here that needs to be dealt with. And if I find that I am more interested in people here in this wooden reality, then maybe it won't be such a bad idea to engage in it more willfully.