Love it

A lot of talk on love going around these days. Must be the ghost of Hallmark's Valentine's haunting lonely hearts. But of late, I think in the shadowing days of my happy return on Singapore (for a full glorious 8 months no less), I am starting to worry about identity and relationships all over again. In the past 3 years here, I have laughed, loved, lost and cried.

I have made myself a home. This temporal window in Vancouver has had its role in shaping me. And I have gratefully lain roots down in its very, welcoming soil. And I love you all.

So I am going to return to Singapore for 8 months, and it means a lot of things. I am really excited about reconnecting with the Identity that has been granted to me there. I believe that it will require renegotiation. What with all the emotionalism that I underwent with Dennis and giving up my Citizenship, things have definately shifted under the surface. More then I am aware off.

At the same time, it will mean that I hang up interacting with my identity here in Canada. And unlike Singapore, where people stay put. Vancouver is notorious for its transciency, and most of the familiar faces that I have grown to identify with are leaving. To Japan, To India, To China, To Calgary, To America... Mars. And what then of these people who have moved me?
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On a seperate note, I have been revisitng Curt's notion of emotional fornication. This year has been especially bad. While I no longer have emotional one-night-stands with my victims demanding to know why I never call, I have been swimming though majority of my relationships, without commitment or anchorage.

Save for a couple.

So for now, before my energy and spirit finds itself in too many obscure pockets and friendly waves, I will be making an attempt to reconnect with the ones I seek to carry though life, past my university days.
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And while I am trying to find my center in all this, I will also seek to find the truth about myself.

In that, while being intentionally relational, I will be intentionally true.
And that means relearning how to forgive. For my inability to Forgive, both myself and others, manifests in an inability to seek how others can forgive me. And in doing so, I necessarily distance myself from relationships that have potential confilct grafted into them.
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And so it is, just like you said it would be. Life does go easy on me.

Most of the time.

The glare of that much-mentionned brilliance, love,
 Broke out, to show
Its bright incipience sailing above,
Still promising to solve, and satisfy,
And set unchangeably in order. So
 To pile them back, to cry,
Was hard, without lamely admitting how
It had not done so then, and could not now.
~ Larkin. Love Songs In Age.