My parents dropped me off today and headed off to their hotel in downtown Vancouver. Tomorrow morning, they will fly off to Singapore, back home, while I continue to live my life here. Of course I would not have it any other way, but I am starting to realise that some of my choices hurt. I want my mummy.

And in church today, I was arrested by the magnificence and grace of God, and after spending 7 months drifting further away, I'm glad to be back in First CRC. Maybe Shiyu was right about my church and how it affects my spiritual growth. I was going to ask if I should leave HPC on those grounds but then realised that this is not the time for such questions.

Ok, life in Vancouver starts today. the past week was a fuzzy no-mans land with my body in Vancouver but my relational orientation in Singapore. Now that my family has left (woe is me) I can be all, and fully here. But I love you.

Vancouver is always the time for realization. And here I realise that I am pitifully needy and insecure. My inner clown acts up at the steepest point of reality and shows that I, indeed, desperately want it all. And this cannot be legitimized.