Sometimes, like today, I get the feeling that everything I had ever known or thought about, was pointing to this one moment. It is as if life were gathering the folds of her skirt into a single bunch in the fist of her elegant hand. That's where I'm at right now.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Here it is. All of it. It now makes sense
"She's on this idea of women now. And, when I think being around all these women who have all these different kind of perceptions of each other. And you could say, some of them are intimidated by each other and some of them are envious and some of them really kind of like the other one but are afraid of being rejected so they don't know how to approach them. And there's all that going on. So busy, like bees. And uh, she makes her way into the warmth of Florida. She takes her time. She's driving now, she's on her own. And she's thinking about women, and women and women's relationships with each other and...what it brings up. And so, she sort of um, goes to the land for this one. This one place that's, where alot of people come to soak in, to feel sensual and warm and healed and delicious. So she's in Florida, and goes to another land where people go to feel delicious. Another paradise. And she finds that there's room enough for both of them, that they're both very different. And desire is very much a part of all this. And at the end of the day, Desire will do what she does best, which is make you desire that which is not yours. She moves on to away, and then comes back to Florida. Not feeling like she needs to betray one or the other. That she can value both of them, that there's room enough for both of them. I think there's healing all along the way in different parts of this. But that's really for the reader, and the listener to sense, because it's in the music alot of that. Those are clues that it takes you, I think, to our real feelings. The music is always the place where the clues are."
-- Scarlet Stories CD
"you have come to discover what you want"
- what i want is not to want what isn't mine
"But I am Desire"
- what i want is not to want what isn't mine
"But I am Desire"
"She's on this idea of women now. And, when I think being around all these women who have all these different kind of perceptions of each other. And you could say, some of them are intimidated by each other and some of them are envious and some of them really kind of like the other one but are afraid of being rejected so they don't know how to approach them. And there's all that going on. So busy, like bees. And uh, she makes her way into the warmth of Florida. She takes her time. She's driving now, she's on her own. And she's thinking about women, and women and women's relationships with each other and...what it brings up. And so, she sort of um, goes to the land for this one. This one place that's, where alot of people come to soak in, to feel sensual and warm and healed and delicious. So she's in Florida, and goes to another land where people go to feel delicious. Another paradise. And she finds that there's room enough for both of them, that they're both very different. And desire is very much a part of all this. And at the end of the day, Desire will do what she does best, which is make you desire that which is not yours. She moves on to away, and then comes back to Florida. Not feeling like she needs to betray one or the other. That she can value both of them, that there's room enough for both of them. I think there's healing all along the way in different parts of this. But that's really for the reader, and the listener to sense, because it's in the music alot of that. Those are clues that it takes you, I think, to our real feelings. The music is always the place where the clues are."
-- Scarlet Stories CD
You caught me lingering in another girl's paradise.
The way she paints the world, I want that in my life.
Does it all come down to:
the thing one girl fears in the night,
is another girl's paradise
The way she paints the world, I want that in my life.
Does it all come down to:
the thing one girl fears in the night,
is another girl's paradise
Except, I am both.
Monday, January 05, 2009
If I could...
I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with whats not there.
A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart
[Fade into you :: Mazzy Star]
Sunlight filters through the grey haze that we try to call sky. Melting the beauty of silent white peace into... well something I don't quite know because I haven't left the house yet. But I should. I'm back and I've got a life to live - to the full.
Lord, this year is in your hands, teach me great and unsearchable things, teach me truth. I will not shy away from anything handed to me, but grant me the wisdom to approach, to love and to contain.
I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with whats not there.
A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart
[Fade into you :: Mazzy Star]
Sunlight filters through the grey haze that we try to call sky. Melting the beauty of silent white peace into... well something I don't quite know because I haven't left the house yet. But I should. I'm back and I've got a life to live - to the full.
Lord, this year is in your hands, teach me great and unsearchable things, teach me truth. I will not shy away from anything handed to me, but grant me the wisdom to approach, to love and to contain.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Who will break, and fix, it with me?
Living grows round us like a skin
To shut away the outer desolation
For if we clearly mark the furthest deep
We should be dead long years before the grave
But turning around within the homely shell
Of worry discontent and narrow joy
We grow and flourish
And rarely see the outside dark that would confound our eyes.
Some break the shell.
I think that there are those that push their fingers through the brittle walls
And make a hole
And through this cruel slit
Stare out across the cinders of the world with naked eyes
They look both out and in
Knowing them selves and too much else beside.
[The Shell by Molly Drake]
Living grows round us like a skin
To shut away the outer desolation
For if we clearly mark the furthest deep
We should be dead long years before the grave
But turning around within the homely shell
Of worry discontent and narrow joy
We grow and flourish
And rarely see the outside dark that would confound our eyes.
Some break the shell.
I think that there are those that push their fingers through the brittle walls
And make a hole
And through this cruel slit
Stare out across the cinders of the world with naked eyes
They look both out and in
Knowing them selves and too much else beside.
[The Shell by Molly Drake]
Friday, January 02, 2009
Pretty damn good, actually.
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse.
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him, "do you want to make a deal?"
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal.
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
[Like a Rolling Stone :: Bob Dylan]
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse.
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him, "do you want to make a deal?"
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal.
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
[Like a Rolling Stone :: Bob Dylan]
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
BECAUSE THIS MUST BE DONE
In her witching hour, she finds me silent and dead inside.
- 2008 -
In her witching hour, she finds me silent and dead inside.
Turning back from the gate, a little smile garnished my contented spirit. A lush garden, lit by lamps that mimic the stars, the flowers sighing scents of jasmine and hibiscus, and living room love light, spewing forcefully through the front doors, assaulting the haunting night.
I collect the glasses from the table, musing about how every party finds a broken bottle somewhere. The thoughts barely leave through the back door of my mind as a bottle of root beer slips from my mother's hands, scattering glass everywhere. A deep red spot wells up on the sole of my foot.
2008 was quite possibly, the best year of my life. A new start to law school, a new programme, a sense of home growing deep in within my heart. New friendships, new spaces. And then there's Asia: my home, my sense of being, the giver of my life, my identity and purpose. India, where I loved and let love, where I hated and learned to hate myself, and then healed, where Glen promsied to love me forever, and I found heaven on an earth spinning within its own hell. And then family, (who made me swear that I wouldn't blog about them) - of Prague and Frankfurt and 7 hour busrides, pasta and 2 am conversations laughing about our reality tv shows, for letting me laugh at them.
2008 died quietly. Mostly because of fleeting pensive thoughts that, while momentary, pressed me deep into my bedsheets. Deeply.
Hello 2009. You were birthed in restlessness. You bring pensive thoughts. You will not be as warm as 2008, but you will be strong and good and pure. You will teach me many things, and I will be ready for you.
I collect the glasses from the table, musing about how every party finds a broken bottle somewhere. The thoughts barely leave through the back door of my mind as a bottle of root beer slips from my mother's hands, scattering glass everywhere. A deep red spot wells up on the sole of my foot.
2008 was quite possibly, the best year of my life. A new start to law school, a new programme, a sense of home growing deep in within my heart. New friendships, new spaces. And then there's Asia: my home, my sense of being, the giver of my life, my identity and purpose. India, where I loved and let love, where I hated and learned to hate myself, and then healed, where Glen promsied to love me forever, and I found heaven on an earth spinning within its own hell. And then family, (who made me swear that I wouldn't blog about them) - of Prague and Frankfurt and 7 hour busrides, pasta and 2 am conversations laughing about our reality tv shows, for letting me laugh at them.
2008 died quietly. Mostly because of fleeting pensive thoughts that, while momentary, pressed me deep into my bedsheets. Deeply.
Hello 2009. You were birthed in restlessness. You bring pensive thoughts. You will not be as warm as 2008, but you will be strong and good and pure. You will teach me many things, and I will be ready for you.
