Beauty and the Beast

You're not a stranger to me, and you are something to see.
You don't even know how to please
You say a lot, but you're unaware how to leave

My darling lives in a world that is not mine
An old child misunderstood out of time
Timeless is the creature who is wise
And timeless is the prisoner in disguise

Oh who is the beauty? Who the beast?
Would you die of grieving when I leave
Two children too blind to see
I would fall in your shadow, I believe.

My love is a man who's not been tamed
Oh my love lives in a world of false pleasure and pain
We come from difference worlds, we are the same.
I never doubted your beauty
...I've changed

Changed. Who is the beauty?
Where is my beast?
There is no beauty
Without my beast

My beauty...my beauty
My beautiful...beautiful...beautiful
Beautiful beast

Amen

Writing in 1856, the British naturalist Alfred Russel Wallaces states:

The five cells are silky-white within, and are filled with a mass of firm, cream-coloured pulp, containing about three seeds each. This pulp is the edible part, and its consistence and flavour are indescribable. A rich custard highly flavoured with almonds gives the best general idea of it, but there are occasional wafts of flavour that call to mind cream-cheese, onion-sauce, sherry-wine, and other incongruous dishes. Then there is a rich glutinous smoothness in the pulp which nothing else possesses, but which adds to its delicacy. It is neither acid nor sweet nor juicy; yet it wants neither of these qualities, for it is in itself perfect. It produces no nausea or other bad effect, and the more you eat of it the less you feel inclined to stop. In fact, to eat Durians is a new sensation worth a voyage to the East to experience. ... as producing a food of the most exquisite flavour it is unsurpassed.

Love is the demon and I'm the one he's coming for

...I'll tell you all about the girl who just refused to fall.

Dear Josh,

I just don't know what is good and bad anymore. Any attempt at telling myself that goodness is ___________ sounds like a throwback to the institution, to the things that... are... fear-driven, conservative (in the political sense) and stifling. I am so happy here and now. And am aware of danger and possible hurt in the future. What else does god want from me?

My mother told me: Don't think that way, of what else God wants from me. Because he is already pleased with me. I don't trust that anymore. Therein lies the lie - that I am not good enough.

I think that will always be my spiritual struggle - that deep inside, i will always fall into the trap of thinking that I am not good enough because of ____________. and therein lies defeat.

One step at a time. I hope this is my path to victory, if only through redemption. Because I cannot do anything anymore.

Hannah

I have been living under the illusion that I ever had a choice.

What now?

Hannah: I'm not a happy camper.

Elizabeth: A Happy Camper Hannah? God, that was SO WHITE.

The day is beautiful. There is beauty everywhere. In blood and in water. Drink deeply.

Hannah, you know that I do not judge. You know that I do not judge you based on your actions. And whatever you decide to do, everything will be alright.

~Christian, before giving me a big hug

I love swimming. I'm not good at it, but I work it. I float and fight against the enemy who is also my friend. And she baptizes, cleanses and purifies until there is only me and her. And she consumes, loves me and touches me all over and I cannot escape. All that is left is the silence of the blue and my thoughts - the mermaids that shoot ahead, leaving only a stream of bubbles that evade my grasp.

Be free, and I will follow.

Know me, love me.

... that which I do not deserve.