I looked at myself in the mirror today, and decided that I really like the way I look.

Just. As. I. Am.

Don't hide. SHOW YOURSELF!

I dare you!

So I'll forgive what you have done
No, you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired I mean eventually
And there's nothing left to do but sleep


I will be pure,
No, no, I know I will be pure.
Like snow- like gold-
like snow- like gold--

[No lies, just love - Bright Eyes]

Dear university: Just give me what I want, and no one gets hurt.

Trust.

Don't worry, you don't have to drag it out from me. I'm not a tepid well with a rickety bucket reluctantly giving up my darkish water. I am a joyful geyser! Just don't be a douche.

Thoughts for today:

Grace. Weakness. Unconditional love. Home. Returning. Cynicism. Compassion. Destiny. Fear. Mediocrity. Love. Loneliness. Reaching out. Holding back. Crazy. Calm. Realism. Confidence. Strength. Greatness. Contempt. Fulfillment. Creation. Expectations. Fairness. Depression. Bonhoeffer. Attraction. Limits. Obedience. Resistance.

~ You know like... you know all those books I have that I don't let you read? 

~ Yeah?

~  It's all just all these love poems that are about you.  

[post secret video]

Tonight there were brights stars in the sky and laughter and all was right with the world. It was a prophecy.

So I will probably get my full student loan, and I found out that my professor was in Asia this whole time. Life is suddenly perfect again, minus the lack of grant money.

How is it that I am SO susceptible to external occurrences? Must change.

~Do you think I'm crazy? 

~Not more then usual. 

Does this mean that I am loved and accepted, and that you can handle this?

I know it's silly to get stressed up over the small things, to obsess over that little flint of gravel you meet on the journey instead of focusing on the road itself. Just that, these pieces get stuck in my shoe.

I need funding for this next semester in Singapore. This Lee Foundation award thing isn't pulling through. I can't apply for Go Global awards as I want to do this self-directed course with UBC.

And on that note, I need ITG to be my supervisor for this self-directed course I need in order to do the courses I want to do here, and to do French. He's not responding to my emails.

And finally, when you're so far away, how do I sense that this is worth as much as I had anticipated? I feel like ducking under the covers of a horoscope book and tearing it all up for fear of the inevitable failure that this could all be.

I'm guessing this is what my mother meant by me relying too much on myself and not on God (huh?). That's probably true but as always, I've learnt to peel off the truth from words and I've come to the conclusion that --