There are some things that we're not.
And when we do realise what these things are, denial is not an option.

Time to open your eyes and run.
Think beyond yourself, be others-centered
See beyond the words to the speaker.

I've cultivated this annoying habit of feeling more then listening. When someone speaks, I spend more energy figuring out who they are, where they come from and why. This isn't bad in itself, in fact I find it enables me to get to places most don't tread. But what happens is that what is being said loses importance. Words are no longer ends in themselves but mediums, little messengers of a deeper messege, their shape really being the form of their speaker.

So I go, being oh so personal and sensitive and a wonderful confident. But in the end I feel like I'm moving in a totally different sphere from everyone else. I see, I hear, I touch, I engage, I understand, I love. But in order to do all that, I feel like I've pushed myself out of the atmosphere and into an infinity of possibilities. No rootedness, no self-centered belief on how things should be, how people should react, no stability on my defination.

I want to connect with people on my terms.

Deeper

I want someone to not just listen, but to understand. MY defination of understand.

Deeper

I want to know who I am, and to have no doubt of my self.

Deeper

I need to do my Quiet time. I need God.

That is why the real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists in simply shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind
~ Mere Chiristianity :: CS Lewis
(Thanks Robby)

And this is precisely what I struggle with now.
I want to be selfish and demand a bit of space for me when I darn well know that the greatest freedom I've ever tasted was with God.
I want to be powerful again, bitchy, aloof, cold, hurtful, malicious, manipulative, intimidating... Hannah.

Please don't say "I know".
I can't even say that wrt myself.