And I love you, I love you, I love you...
like never before.

Tonight's the last night that I will sleep in my bed. I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that. I am feeling the mad panic rise in me, then I will live in a nomadic life for 2 weeks before going back to Singapore.

Packing's been a blur. Rediscovering. Late night conversations till 6 am. Dealing with and letting go. Meeting Amy, staring at familiar strangers, and strange family. Hard and fast relationships, and then the walls. Walls and rafts. Who I am and Home.

Shhh.

Dear Lord, I thank you for this year and for your blessing. Thank you for this Utopian existance that you have bestowed upon the 8 of us. Lord you are here and you are Good. I bless your name. There's great pain in leaving, and I have to admit that I haven't handled it well at all. I have to learn balance, moderation, sensibility and pacing in my life. But God, there is always room for grace. For now father, I commit this family into your hands. We will no longer be together like this, ever. We have just started to know each other but we've reached the end. We will drift apart and forget many things. And this is perfectly ok. I've done my reeling and ranting, and I'd like to believe that I can finally move on. Just... please... dear God... keep them.

I have made this my home.
And the great wordless pain here reveals the value of the past year.
I can barely breathe.