Today, I told Curtis and Dustin what was really going on. It was strange being unable to talk, to have my heart heave up into my mouth and to have the needle tears stab the back of my eyes.

"it's like telling a cow I have a craving for steak."

Oh well. I've gotten over my need to have my head wrapped around my life, I'll just concentrate on making sure that the constumes and props are set up properly backstage. The show is henceforth out of my hands. Thank God.