Embracing every heartache.

I watched Saved for the third time today at bible study. And as I sat and thought about where I was and who I was in my christian life and walk, I realise that it has been a while since I've capitulated to utter insecurity and self-denial. And I wonder how much of that is a good thing.

Watching myself interact with the navigators, with people, I find myself disjuncted, somewhat disconnected with the reality of the people around me. Being non-sensitive, and making decisions that haven't really been considered, or if they have been considered, on a very Hannah-centric plane (note: not selfish or self-centered, but something that is culturally specific to me. Go figure).

So here I am floating down the river Time bumping against the people and circumstances, clutching fruitlessly at decisions and consequences. The irreversibility of the course really bugs me. But that's ok, I'm banking on grace here.

There's grace, and then there's holy living.
~ Jon, on dealing with the move.

¹What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ²By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?
[Romans Chap 6]

And so when it comes to mistakes when dealing with people, I've learnt as Mel stresses, that there are lessons to take home and awareness to build. Just because I choose to be aware, doesn't necessarily mean that I automatically am.

And I'm sorry to those that i've hurt along the way, for the toes I've stepped on and the trust that I've broken.

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And Sue; just watching her live how she deals with people and situations has inspired me deeply. Watching how she deals with me.

And conversations with Jon never fail to intrigue. I don't know where they lead to, but that's becuase I don't know where I lead to. But thank you for the book, it will be read.

And Monique, for the casual walking though life, and the frantic running though the rain.

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Question:

If I screw up, if we have a fight, you and I... will you love me enough, as a friend, to accept me back again?

I think that if I somehow knew, I'd be empowered to be more honest, more true and less reserved with you.

All of you.