Don't fall down.

"Is this how you live your life? On the edge? "
"This isn't on the edge, you should see what I do with a pair of skis on my feet!"

~ An exchange between Jabez and myself on our last bike ride home, with me perched ominously on his bike as he valiently wrestles the vehicle uphill, knees poking awkwardly and heels clinging to the edges of the pedals, diaphragm dancing.

Silently growing in the midst of chips + guac, threatened water fights and draining the juice of a thousand cows is the realization of a new reality. I'm finding the dichotomy within me merging, thd 10 year old and the conservative christian. Where is the reality of me? Where do I meet humanity apart from the research essays and epistemological discussions and find meaning in mopping?

Don't stop thinking
Don't stop feeling

I love my job

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Tonight might well be the last night I spend in 4178 west 10th ave. Tomorrow marks the dawn of a new mode of existance, of deliberate sharing, selflessness and other-centeredness. I will be roomming with Shu for 8 months in a house with three other, extremely, diverse characters.

Everyone flips out at the price we're paying for this room, and honestly I have no defence for this, except that this was a concious choice that we have committed to and that we're going to have to stick by. Ludicrious at best, I can only point to divine intervention into our living situation. Tony walks into Taco Del Mar, I screw up the register, He's interested in the Navs. As Shu and I quibble about our finances and weather or not we can afford the rent, USP and jobs show up.

Whose money is it anyway?
"When we acknowledge God's ownership, every spending decision becomes a spiritual decision" ~ Larry Burkett

I admit that at the end of the day there is a fine line between me actively seeking obedience and holiness and the me copping out due to the fear of taking responsibilities for big decisions.

Whatever, we're all on a learning curve.

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I'm scared shittless about this new year.
And now, I;m going to take my computer apart and pack everything into boxes and wait for Curtis to drive over in the morning and whisk me away to a new life.

I have wonderful wonderful people in my life.