Quartered and confused, I find myself in different areas, with different desires and different thoughts. But I do have one goal: to be free. But for now I will roll around in the sadness, the anger, the regret, the contempt and the past, until the bowl tips me over and I move on again into a newer light. I hurt for different reasons on different days, and there's no telling what will happen next. But on the whole, I've been very pleased with the results and I wonder if this is what they mean by "glory to glory". Kor gave me 6 months to get it all out of my system, but at the rate that I'm going, it's probably going to be quicker then that. The fact that I was very much alone through it all is helpful.
Hannah! You're going to find assholes everywhere! PM said, pretty much exploding with frustration over tea and organizational structures, hands flying in wide gestures. Yeah, I think to myself, rolling my eyes toward the afternoon glare reflecting on the hotel windows. Except I wasn't thinking about potential colleagues in the private or public sector. And at that moment, my heart sank a little; I thought about what I used to believe in - honesty, respect, openness and grace and wondered if I no longer had the spirit to engage in the same way as I used to. Or if they had been proved ineffectual.
I guess wisdom is the key, and being strategic even with principles of grace and openness. I thank god I haven't hardened or become embittered. Slowly learning I guess with a couple of stumbles on the way, but I'm learnig to just close my eyes and let my little self bounce back up, perhaps over a KTV song or two, or 400. Mostly it's been simply perfect frowning in concentration as PM rants on. This feeling of being safe and of being appreciated, a distant memory resurfacing from the darkness.
Even when I'm feeling crappy, I can still thank God that I'm not back there.
Hannah! You're going to find assholes everywhere! PM said, pretty much exploding with frustration over tea and organizational structures, hands flying in wide gestures. Yeah, I think to myself, rolling my eyes toward the afternoon glare reflecting on the hotel windows. Except I wasn't thinking about potential colleagues in the private or public sector. And at that moment, my heart sank a little; I thought about what I used to believe in - honesty, respect, openness and grace and wondered if I no longer had the spirit to engage in the same way as I used to. Or if they had been proved ineffectual.
I guess wisdom is the key, and being strategic even with principles of grace and openness. I thank god I haven't hardened or become embittered. Slowly learning I guess with a couple of stumbles on the way, but I'm learnig to just close my eyes and let my little self bounce back up, perhaps over a KTV song or two, or 400. Mostly it's been simply perfect frowning in concentration as PM rants on. This feeling of being safe and of being appreciated, a distant memory resurfacing from the darkness.
Even when I'm feeling crappy, I can still thank God that I'm not back there.
2 comments:
kor? since when did you have an older brother. is pm really pm, and yes, thank god htat you're not back there. -glad
Luke lah. I've always referred to him as Kor.
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