I'm out of DNA EduTechMedia.

After a month of cajoling and coaxing... they tell me they don't need me.

It was the only time that leaving the office carried a sense of unease and discomfort. I was beginning to feel like a sticky lump of phlegm at the back of one's throat, the kind that refuses to budge no matter how hard you cough. I guess it was the awkwardness that spurred my bosses to do the closing up this time. They've never done it together before. So 4 hands pressed inevitably on the shutters, with one swift thundering motion, they bring the office to a closure. I envisioned it to be the end. Outside the building, there is a lucky fountain squatting at the entrace, serving as an insurmountable obstacle to all who pass through the gates. The spout dead, the waters stale, and on the surface, a blob of yellow flesh was suspended just beneath the face of the pool. A dead, and decaying goldfish.

I can's speak chinese

I shouldn't let it bother me really, the auditions were fun and i was more concerned with trying then actually getting through. So i'm ok. One less thing to worry about.

Hannah, please DO NOT...

*wince* and i knew what i was in for.
I'm eating my words. Don't waste in fear

I just thank God that the circle is more forgiving that i had anticipated, that my dignity is kept intact and that i leave each episode with more then i came with. That's the way it goes. They all started somewhere, you are now at somewhere.

You never get gritty with yourself.
I guess it's time.

no amount of that makes me love you any less

And as much as i hold on tightly, i feel an insatiable desire to destroy. It wells up in me and seeps out from my pupils, little darts of elation. I am thrilled by my anger, that by sweeping past the passengers in a carriage i can make no less then ALL of them, notice me and my disposition. How I will not hesitate to enhance that recognition into discomfort... power.

And as as i am awed by the sensitivity, patience and gentleness. It morphs into my antithesis, all that i am, by nature, not.
I have come to decipher an uncanny semblence between the laws of nature and the laws of man.

For every action, there is an equal an opposite reaction.
And we spiral down, sometimes needlessly, despairing at the helplessness of the situation.
The more one tries the other will push...
I love it.

"i will always love you. no matter how many years from now. there
will always be a twinge deep down for you. we made mistakes.
for which i am still sorry. like you said. "for the unchangeable.
for so much." i asked for forever. you gave it. in your own
little way. i will always remember. maybe someday we'll talk
again. as friends."

Were every hand held out to me, in mornful comfortation,
And every eye sympathetic to my selfish desertation,

even so, nothing would really change.



Everytime i think of you, i get a shock right through into a bolt of blue.
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem i find,
Living a life that I can't leave behind.

... even if I tried, it creeps up on me like a shadow,
aside from the claws.
Turning to confront, i end up staring at myself.

I feel fine and I feel good I'm feeling like I never should,
Whenever I get this way I just don't know what to say,
Why can't be ourselves like we were yesterday.

... I live 2 lives, (I'm good at that) a face and a heart.
They never agree.
I paint my face day by day, delicately with a trained hand.
The more superficial the better.
Stupid things don't hurt
Else the heart, constantly bleeds,
running me dry... save for... my face,
that delicate one-hair-bridge that i tread on everyday.

And yesterday...
To trade this for that,
Sometimes, I underestimate everything.

Everytime i see you falling, i get down on my knees and pray.
I don't think I'm ever going to get up... anymore.

With your cherry lips and golden curls
You could make grown men gasp when you go walking past
And in your hot pants and high heels
They could not believe that such a body was for real
It seemed like rainbows would appear
Whenever you came near the clouds would disappear
Because you looked just like a girl
Your baby blues would flash and suddenly a spell was cast


~Pinglet


I'm feeling fearful.
But I'm not showing it to myself.
I get panic attacks,
But being jaded helps.
I'm so unimpressed with myself
But I say no.

Dammit.

Lysistrata


750 nude women form a heart around the words 'No War' on a hillside near the town of Byron bay, 700 kilometers (435 miles) north of Sydney, Australia, Saturday, Feb. 8, 2003. The women said they wanted to send Prime Minister John Howard a message to recall Australian troops from the middle east. (AP Photo/Icon Images).

Some things never change.

They were unimpressed

To be honest, I've seen you do better, but it was good.
Thanks girl, for being so talented in tact.

You will just not yet.
*smile*

Good night world.

So I've gotten a confirmation quit date.

22/02/03

Now i just have to get another Job.

1) Pastor Wan's law firm.
2) teach.

Either that of i could spend my time, lazing around.


And I guess that's why they call it the blues,
Time on my hands could be time spent with you.
Laughing like children
Living like lovers
rolling like thunder under the covers
And i guess that's why they call it the blues...
~elton john

I QUIT

They smoke.
They spit phlegm into the sink. Thick, yellow, glutinous, lumpy bits of germ-bags that super-glue themselves to the bottom of the sink.
They spend their time wasting away, taking offensive photos of themselves and sending them out to people.
They...

They: Could you edit this? You need to type out whole questions. [Hands over a copy of Science 3A. their first brain-child.]
Me: Ok.[Accepts the CD, along with the 4 pages of edited mistakes I had completed earlier in the week]
[starts to do everything neatly. Suddenly struck with the exponential amount of work I am faced with.]
Me: Am i going to given extra pay for this
They: uh.. no...
Me: Ok, because this is out of my job scope. I'm only supposed to be doing sales are marketing, NOT editing
They: Actually... this is part of marketing what...
[pregnant pause]
Me: I honestly don't see how this has ANYTHING to do with marketing.
They: since you put it that way... don't do it then [Walks off in a huff]
[Leaves me, with nothing to do but to call the remaining 20 odd schools, all of which are inhabited by creatures without opposing fingers, and therefore cannot pick up the phone. Grump]

But seriously, how pathetic is that?
Actually... this is part of marketing what...
I'm sorry, but to me that reads I AM TRYING TO EXPLOIT YOU
It was almost hilariously feeble
And hideously obvious.

Dear God, please let me get that job with Tess...

Cherry

Really,
don't misplace your passion,
don't deny your worth,
don't waste in fear,
don't fear to leave.

We're all worth so much.

So show us all the beauty we possess, but if we'd only let ourselves believe...

In light of my statement to cherry, I'd like to quit my job.
No, by bosses are nice, the pay is good, the scope drop-dead easy...
That's the thing

I've come to realise that our dreams in life can be pretty much alike to a jason brook's picture


Perfect.
Gorgeous.
Clean.

Fake.
Nothing but a desire.

ouch

So why bother?
What's with the mango and Ck jeans, Topshop skirt, high-end make-up?

Why is she so concerned with stupid things?
Because stupid things don't hurt.

Yes there goes a little moment of intro-spection.

yup Andrea, that kinda answers everything, you know... the mundane.
Thanks for that night of bitching. I loved it.

I censured the poem below... Then i changed it back. Would't be justice, altering a work of art. Harder since yes, I do like Phillip Larkin.
Sorry Dennis.

i was just musing how you dont seem to care that you ARE attractive..

Well baby, I do.
But it's easier to cope pretending that you don't care.
But what the hell, I'm going shopping!

Another thingi from Ling's blog. Yes dennis, i'm talking to you. *wink*

This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Ha.

I feel as if I've lost my brain. My grasp of language, mediation and delicacy slipping away like a shadow, silently mocking.
I can't do anything about that.

I fear. I've realised that that has evolved into my lifeline. The one thing that gave me worth - words. And now it's slipping away from me.

But then again, it's only words, only vocabulary. So why do I fear so much?
Because you misplace your measure of worth

No, you don't have to shout.

Another girl's paradise...

you caught me lingering
in another girl's paradise
the way she paints the world --
I want that in my life
Emeralds, you should know,
are renting in her meadow
with a stroke beauty lives
how could I resist
you are Desire
~Tori

I got my pay, I'm on my way to sin.

Delicious.