Just read your Blog Andrea. It made me cry. Never experienced pain so artfully penned.. I know that there are nights where you wish you'd just dissolve into your pillows and never wake up... but you do anyway. Sometimes you can't differentiate your pain - physical, mental, emotional or spiritual, it's just a big ball that hits you and it chews. I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm hurting too... and whatever anyone says or does isn't enough... but i love them for trying... perhaps i fall short in trying to understand your state. I'm different, as human as we ALL are... I fear connecting. Because i fail more often then not... "a joyous shot at how thing ought to be" so i'm not a huge fan of "it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all" Hint of an iconoclast? :)

i am a "highly unresolved individual" i cannot function properly until i get over my fear of (all kinds of) relationships. maybe then i can have a properly intimate relationship without shutting my other half out... (i hate that irony)

Thanks K.W. for sharing your life and my pain, even if you didn't mean it... thanks Luke for the hug and the concern... i know you know what it's like... remember how it feels. Thanks Doc for the encouragement and strength.

And Dennis. For letting me lean on you, even when I don't want to. For knowing that i'm weak even if i've prided myself to be strong (such an over estimate). For loving me..