I am writing this above your blog.
I am sorry, I knew no other way.
I was selfish, very very selfish.
My anger was justified, but it was not hate, it was pain.

It still hurts to hear your voice, shaking in agony. to know that I hurt you by simply existing.
To know that you love me, and that I love you, but they do not meet.
It hurts that I harbour anger...
And to know that I did not have consideration for you when I attempted to handle that anger.

But why did you have to?
twice over I ask this question, refering to 2 different junctures in our relationship.
The first you will never answer too, I don't want to know. It will only hurt more.

The second.
Why 6? why not 9 or 10?
a cry perhaps?

Leave me in my selfishness... or guilt.
But I do love you, in my selfish way.
But not in the way you do.
I will try try try.

But fuck. THAT IS NOT THE WAY

I want to slap you and hold you at the same time.

Being self-absorbed

Guilt: a selfish reaction to another's pain.

I will try not to, But to be strong, for him and me.
To understand that delicate balance.

But for now. I'm just paralyzed...
I can only sit here... and helplessly delete blog entries.
Flacid and useless.

Father God, please.

Oh but God it was my fault.
I shouldn't have...

Twisted

You know it only breaks my heart
To see you standing in the dark alone
Waiting there for me to come back

And I don't wanna be
Stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded

I can only take so much
These tears are turning me to rust
I know you're waiting there for me to
come back

She tied you to a kitchen chair,
She broke your throne and cut your hair,
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah.

And she broke you...