Top 10 reasons why "The Pit" is not advisable for you (By Andrea Lau):

1) You hate beer.

2) You hate cigarette smoke.

3) You may be charged for being underaged. Or looking it, whichever is worse.

4) Wearing heels may solve (3) but the queue time you have to suffer before getting in will hurt your feet, toes, calves, thighs, back, heels etc. Phew. Heels. Hell. Same difference.

5) When God said "filled with the spirit," He did not mean alcohol. Never mind the miracle where Jesus turned water into wine.; that was at a banquet. Please take a queue number to get married.

6) Talking about bible stories, remember Joseph and the pit? For one, you are not clairvoyant so no one would bother about your flippant interpretation of dreams. Ahem, good try though. Two, give up dreams of being a Cleopatra down the Nile too. A consolation: I can you send you a technicolour dreamcoat . . . In exchange for M.A.C make-up HA!

7) It probably serves fruit punch (which you ONLY drink, it seems . . .) spiked with LSD. Yes, the drug assocated with the hippy movement. I hear Canada's about 40 years late with these fads. What, who did I hear it from?
From the Americans, of course.

8) No U-Blues.

9) Because of (7) and (8), they probably spin vinyl records of Lisa Marie Presley's lullabies.

10) A name which proffers such ambiguity may mean (a) it is the worst pub in town, (b) it suffers frequent blackouts from bill-defying owners, (c) it boasts a rancid acridity, i.e. it smells like Daryl's armpit after he plays too much bass, with the abrasion of his arm against his pit after worship rehearsal
. . . Lethal.

Oh. There, you have 13. Another incentive to keep the rose garden on the agenda.

The model student