Please take from me my life...

And it's all going fine.
Studying.
Friends.
Halo.
Sports.
Dance.
Art.
I'm doing what I like, and I like it.
So it's pretty hard not to say that life's going perfectly fine.
That I'm settling in and adjusting as I should.
I am acutally.
A bit slower then I'm actually comfy with but I'm standing on my two feet.

When I don't have the strength...

And today was...

From the Airport to Burrard. I don't know what to make of it all.
In just one day, I lose my footing on everything that I built.
Present strength melting away into plup as we made our way from the Old Spaghetti Factory down to the Waterfront.
I was home again.
And I let everything sink back into Singapore.
I turned around and ran backwards into a very obvious blank wall that I would momentarily remove with Joshua's calling card.
and it knocked the wind out of my lungs.
I was home again
walking with an old friend.
Talking.
Being aware and idle, sharing thoughts, being tangibly there.
Being open and unbelieveable unrestriant.
Honest.
Peaceful.
Contented.
Gentle.
Graceful.
There.
That's all it took really. You, a mature, loving, wonderful friend, being there.

To give it away to you, Jesus...

In so many ways...
"Hannah I think you're ready to serve God in ministry..."
And on the bus home I prayed that I would not be deaf to His calling, in whatever way they come.

And I shamefully see that I am not as self-aware as I intended to be.
That I am ultimately unconciously subjective in my attempt to be objective.

~Third day

I was so desperate today, I wanted time to freeze right at the Waterfront.
I wasn't sure if I could drag up that shield again after I let it down over spaghetti.
It just gets too heavy sometimes.
I want to go home.
But I think I'll just have to build another one and, despite sitting here after plunging into utter lonliness, it was good.
It showed me again what I had to build and the extent of it's beauty.
It gave me that little nudge and pinch.
But above all, it reminded me of how much I love you.
irreplacable you.
All.