Vernacular

I was just thinking about the fluidity of relationships. How people are naturally drawn to each other by that intrigue of the mysterious, the new frontier. So conversation flows around everything and lives are shared and things are done. But then there reaches this level of self-comfort and then adjustments to the relationships are made. Some aren't needed, some aren't worthy to be persued, some are forgotten. We're guilty of all that. I'm just annoyed when there's an element of dishonesty involved.

I remember 5 year ago, when I was 15. I developed a maddening crush on a particular young chum. He was essentially perfect. Everything anyone could ask for (you name it he had it). It took me a good year to get over him, but only after he had gotten over me first and started being... different.

I had fallen in love with a total illusion. That was the bite, that he didn't exist.

I realise that the only thing I can do is to find myself and to be myself. Be myself to everyone, be honest and love them without developing a dependency on them. That's the only decent thing I can do to the people around me. Have faith in their humanity and in mine. And that way, I don't have to fear illusions, they don't affect who I am. But I can keep loving.

Thank you God.