I am living testimony to the fact that if you don't get yourself right now, you'll never get yourself right later. There's no such thing as 'if only...' the only true issue is the self and no amount of circumstantial change will alter reality.

I finished my last course of the term today, and despite writing a good paper, I was not content with the fact that I was done.

I called the Taco Del Mar guy and they have hired me. somewhat. But I am not content with the fact that I have a job.

I could attribute it to the fact that I haven't sold my bed, and that once that was done, life would be perfect, and I would be content.

I finally remember what I was thinking of lying in bed that night 3 nights ago. I was thinking about how my dad once said that he felt sorry for my brother and myself. That after we leave the nest and fly away, life will be a lot harder. And it's true. I no longer have a nice place to live in with nice furniture, no longer am I at liberty to buy whatever I fancy, and my access to very cheap, and very comfortable flights will soon be over. I think the main difference between economy class and business is how the attendants treat you. In business class they are only too delighted to serve, in economy, I once had a flight steward scowl at me (at a perfectly legitimate request too).

I'm starting to suspect that my pining and attachment for 'home' and 'mummy' (are you reading this Dustin Ens?) is symtomatic of a deeper realization that I'm about to leave all this behind. I am probably mourning the death of a time in my life, a very sweet, cozy pocket of existance.

Sweet, cozy and nice...
...Are not enough to build a life upon.

Time to start getting things right.