Fake Plastic Earth

I have a tendency to overwork myself. It wears me out.

She figured that if she walked in late, Dr H would have a little more time to settle in from class. And god knows how stressful it must be being a professor, in a worldclass institution no less. Drat! Too late. Does ten minutes seem polite? Or just tardy? Rude maybe? Relaxed, to a fault? To a fault! She darts, as much as she can, across the colourless campus, weaving around and inbetween inconsiderate laggards, lovers and the lot. Jerry comes round the corner, breaking her into a smile. Familiar faces do much for her, they bring a surge of life, like water from a whale's blowhole. Powerful and ungraceful. But what does that matter? Grace, she decides quite woefully, is overrated. The face pulls away from her and she sweeps herself along. That's the thing with familiar faces: they stay that way, familar.

What about intimate?

Anyhow, it might have been the hazy view of the Northshore mountains, the naive couples trailing by, but her thoughts drifted, as they .always. do, to carefully crafted conversations, situations...

She ends off powerfully emotional. Triumphant no less, with tears strategically welling up with just the right level intensity to sculpt her point out of pure rage. Sigh, life in the mind can be so much more satiating, then life in the real world, she tells herself, before cautioning her inner demons that this really is just a result to control. Sheer power is what she seeks. But what does that matter? She strides into the Asian center, taps on the handicap button and actually is lazy enough to wait for the darn door to open for her.

Does ten minues seem polite? Dr H doesn't seem to mind. "Have a seat" yes. I was going to anyhow. She checks her presumptiousness just before her hands grab the cusioned backing of the aged chair infront of an antique desktop, in a world class institution no less. You definately could see where the priorities lie here.

They sit, postures polite and language professional. Negotiating their relationship and the days to come. Amazing isn't it? How two complete strangers, two seperate lives can agree to... agree. This was one of the rare moments where she didn't wonder who this other person was. What stories built you? What lives moved you? None of that. Just correct talk and proper protocol, because she needed from her.

When did this happen? That her needs overrode the importance of true knowledge? That was when she realized, that she was to be an independent adult. And independence, almost always means isolation in order to fulfill a need. Gravity always wins. And in your universe, you are almost always the most weighted mass that exists.

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Today, I also learnt that God doesn't guide us.
Nowhere in the bible did God promise guidence.
But he promised a Guide.

Guidence must come with the guide, as information from the informer.
It's a life of prayer, not divine fortune cookies.