"Hi did anyone call for Hannah?"

"Uh, this is the Naval Diving Unit, do you know who called you?"

"oh. Dennis Tng" (mistake)

"Ok, I'll get him to call you back"

Crash Boom Bang.

Hope it didn't hurt too much baby.

Seah Street Deli

I got the name right this time.
I will miss the dinner treats and the open fellowship.
Thank you for making the effort to be God's instrument.

I'm not high mantainence, but for you, I'll make the effort.

I cannot thank God enough for you Josh.

Funky shorts

Get me a pair alright?

And well, I know you've heard this a million times.

1) read the bible
2) pray continually

This is how you know I'm dead serious when I say that I care.

I can't seem to articulate the importance of it all.

Out from the old ICQ achives

"one of the things i wrote in my blog: seriously, i tink hannah knows me better. she can sense my moods, she can cheer me up, she can talk it out of me, she can read my mind, she can complete my sentences."

"then again, ive always loved you, one way or another. so i dont think its gonna be any harder being nice to you."

"hannah.. you ARE weird. the thing is that.. so am i. and so is everyone else. you're just weird done in the best possible way."

"no hannah... i bet you if you were in front of me right now, i'd still melt."

"you just make it all alright.. at the same time make it so much harder... its crazy. its just the entire circumstance."

"hah.. you're wonderful you know that?"

I wonder why I bother posting all this up. Like some desperate attempt to bring everything back.

I'm breaking apart.

i know but i'll face the consequences when i get there...

I'm there. And I'm sure as hell trying!

8 am on a Wednesday morning

Boarded the bus.
Got off the bus.
Got into your parent's car.
Saw you in the distance.
Looking like I did.
Trying real hard not to show all the insecurites that
Threatened
To burst out and scatter you all over.

Sat on the seat.
Walked around the space.
Spoke a little to your friends and family.
Watched you in a strange distance.
As you trooped away.
Stepping out into some choiceless realm that
Threatens
To change and snatch away all that you want.

Who's gonna pick you up When you fall
Who's gonna hang it up When you call
Who's gonna pay attention To your dreams
Who's gonna plug their ears When you scream


Drive ~ The Cars

It's not as hard as I thought it would be really.
I imagined you walking off, waving and me dissolving into a soggy mass of hair, tissue, skin and clothes somewhere on the pavement.
Then Ziiq would worriedly fluster around me.
And Jufri would be limpy amusing.
But well...

You just left.

Who's gonna hold you down
When you shake
Who's gonna come around
When you break

I don't know how well I'll survive without you.
I think it's not you Dennis Tng that i've been depending on but just a sheer presence for me to count on.
I'll have to shake that off and well, piece myself together when I break.

Alone.

But well, You'll drive me home soon.
For now, scary thing is, I really don't know how I'm feeling.

Come up to meet you, Tell you I�m sorry, You don�t know how lovely you are
I had to find you, Tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, And ask me your questions, Let�s go back to the start
Running in circles, Coming tails, Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It�s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Take me back to the start

I was just guessing, At numbers and figures, Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, Science and progress, Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, Come back to haunt me, Oh when I rush to the start
Running in circles, Chasing our tails, Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
It�s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I�m going back to the start

~Cold Play. The Scientist

Bated Breath.
I'm just waiting.

I understood the bafflement. I was there myself.

I am an Artiste

And TAGS challenged me.
It showed me the myraid forms of art that may not be mine, and even so cannot be disputed to be strong or good.
That art reaches to the very edges of human experience and that in itself is almost unfathomable, the possiblities are endless.
That I should never undermine another's form of expression simply because I do not understand.
That art is found everywhere. In mannerisms, idiosyncrisies, walking styles.
That training is of utmost importance, as prayer is to a christian. Without it, one is crippled
That my art, at this point in time, is not independent and is based more on interpretation then on creation.

I am a Christian
And TAGS challenged me
It showed me that to Christ my service is only worth my attitude.
That agape love IS possible.
That no one is indispensible, or dispensible.
That I need to learn humility and servanthood.
That prayer is of utmost importance, as training is to an Artiste. Without it, one is crippled.
That letting go and letting God means LETTING GO and LETTING GOD.

I am a Christian Artiste
And TAGS challenged me
It showed me that we need to be open to art forms in worship.
That I am first a christian, and secondly an artiste. And my life should follow suit.
That Christian art is rich in possibility and that I should limit it to what I am comfortable with.
That Christian art is probably defined by the process and not just by the finished product.
That when I engage in Christian art, I surrender myself to God's agenda.
That letting go and letting God comes with a lot of prayer and bible reading.

"let me rest in your presence"

You

You wanna eat some worms? I'll eat them with you.

And what's beautiful is that it's all so natural.

CFA with Friends
Rhythm and rhapsodies...
Dance reflections...
Blah blah...

No shit, I had walked into a press conference.
Dang, it wasn't a perfornance and dinner

So cherry and I sat around having dinner *trying to mingle with working adults who were attempting to network. Of course they couldn't wriggle a name card out of me, nor did they get much gratification on hearing that I would be going to UBC.

I did run into Martin's bride though. Small world. She works for NUSS alongside the nice lady who sat next to me. Whom i felt that I had short changed by simply BEING there.

I also found out why Theatre wasn't offered by the CFA.
Demand didn't warrent supply.
Wowee.

"Cherry that only proves that you're a Bimbo"
"Hannah! Don't say that word here! It sounds childish!"
Point taken. Both ways.

And so with much regret, "clara" and "terry" left after 2 songs in the open jam.
Lest we missed our last bus.
Tat glam.

Yes we always end up in stupid situations.
B1.

Hallelujah
... to the Lord of heaven and earth

Worship on monday was good. It tore me apart.
I'm beginning to understand that God is uh... beyound understanding.

I just read an article on dating, and how your past affects you. Talked about how one should identify dating patterns that were destructive, and that "I dated the wrong guy" was a very lame excuse as you are focusing on THEIR past not YOURS.

I think I have a lot to learn, I guess Canada is good in this respect.

13 days left and counting.

Hold on tight

Sweet, unneccesary

Yes, I am highly unsentimental. I don't try to keep in touch, I don't weep over a loss, I hate little knick-knacks, I don't call, I don't have parties, I don't chat over the phone.

But I won't deny if you ask.

And my heart will swell over a cozy conversation, dance to the rhythm of shared laughter, heave over recollected memories and ache at a pending loss.



This song was meant for you
It had a happy ending
But you had to change your mind
I don't know what happened
Thought that you would never leave
Is a song forever
Life for you will surely change
Maybe for the better

~thirdday

God is Love
God is Love
God is Love...

Lord, I'm not sure if the team is up to it
Your responsiblity is to be an instrument for me to use.
Lord, I cannot believe my circumstances
It's part of your moulding process
...
..
.

Yes well, I'm trying

thong is mad.
he wants to send me off at 6am

The first of the three.
Yes well, we'll all be there soon.

Haha was about to say that i'll miss you.. then i remembered....
I don't have to, and that pushes the reality of everything a little deeper in.

I'm trying to listen to them!
I didn't know.
A knife would've been cleaner seriously.