Wednesday morning, 6:50

My imagination asked me how i was doing. Ok, so i replied "Not too good, I'm worried about a friend whose flame has died, I worry for her well being. I worry for my old flame, although extinguished, he's still very much in pain, and I, confused. I worry for an even older flame, still burning, but too quick and too fast."

Wednesday 12:00 noon

It's great to be home... all over again.

Wednesday afternoon. 2:40

We were like canvasas, stretched out tightly, covering every imaginable emotion:
Release, fear, the gnashing of teeth, contentment, ease, unease.
And upon us, picture after picture has been painted.
Each complementing the other, shedding more light on the painter's mind.
But it is still incomplete...
... it isn't enough.

Not enough just
to understand,
to see,
to come home to,
to support,
to uplift,
to encourage,
to feel,
to be contented with,
to be happy with,
to know without words...
to read minds
...and eyes,
to complete sentences,
to be beautiful to,
to reflect,
to muse,
to be inspired by
to be molded by
...and molded for...
...thus being unabled to run away from
to belong to,
to be a part of
to sing with
to laugh with
to share private jokes
to talk of days gone by...
... and days to come
to do the guy thing together,
to be an open book to
to do things especially for
to be there for
...and with
to think about all the time,
to connect on grounds so unimaginable,
to constantly amaze,
to always make things better... always
to be the only one that, at once, be loving and amusing,
to articulate with stunning clarity what cannot be worded,
to sense moods,
to talk it out of,
to accept unconditionally...
... and be accepted in the same way.
to be brutal, mean, bitchy and screwed up...
... and forgiven...
It's all a desperate attempt.

It's just not enough...

I don't want to use you
But i don't want to lose you
Just to have somebody by my side.

I don't want to take you
And i don't want to hate you
But i don't want to be the one to cry.

And i don't really matter, to anyone, anymore
Like a fool who keeps losing her place
I keep seeing you walk through that door.

There's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust,
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are,
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough...

Now i could never change you
And i could never blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall.

Guess I may have hurt you,
But I did not desert you
Maybe i just want to have it all

It makes a sound like thunder,
It makes me feel like the rain,
Like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking sometimes going to change.

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And it's sad when you know, it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are,
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.

And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone,
Are there things that you wanted to say?
Do you feel me beside you on your way?
There beside you where I used to lay...

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And it's sad when you know, it's your heart they can touch,
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are...

Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

And I realised, if I were to do what is right in relation to that special Him, I'd have to do what is wrong to my best friend, and support.
...Now how do you reconcile that?