Soulitude

Keeping my identity and self-esteem in focus seems to be the over-riding chore of the day lately. Sometimes, I pray that everyone in the space around me would just disappear so that I can be left alone, with no one to judge me. I just want to function alone, in peace, without the draining weight of keeping "the other" in balance. I know my self-worth, I know my identity, and I know that it is all found in Jesus. But that's the thing see:

Me and God, we tight.
Me and Society, we fight.

I am crippled in this. I cannot function to the best of my ability. I pass up opportunites and possiblities because I am riddled with the fear that "the other" sees me as inferior, ugly, sad and unacceptable.

I am sorry.
Now give me another chance.

In my heart of hearts I know that the solitude I seek should not be that of being singularly alone, but being intimately alone in the presence of God. God completes man, and makes him whole. Now make me realize that.