"Unless you've experience it, you never know how physical betrayal feels. It's something you physically feel. You trust someone, you think you know them, and then you find out, you find out you've been fooled, used taken for granted, taken advantage of. You feel cheap and violated and your whole body-"

"I know, Neo. Your whole world goes empty, and your stomach burns, and your legs feel numb, and your neck feels cold, and your lungs feel like you're breathing some posionous gas, and your brain is like one big fire alarm buzzing so loud you can hardly stand it. It's exactly as you said: betrayal is something you feel in your whole body. Believe me, Neo, I will never forget it either"

"...so I forgave her. And that was one of... no, that was the hardest thing I ever did... ever since that day, when I think of the cross, I think it's all about God's agony being made visible - you know, the pain of forgiving, the pain of absorbing the betrayal and forgoing any revenge, of risking that your heart will be hurt again, for the sake of love, at the very worst moment, when the beloved has been least worthy of forgiveness, but stands most in need of it..."

And so it goes that I discover that I am very wanting of love for the people I feel take advantage of me. Who are thankless and who couldn't care less. It's mostly my fault anyway.

Pull me out from inside,
I am fine.

The experience and knowledge of God's goodness has nothing to do with what happens to me, but has everything to do with who I am.