Jane
You don't wanna be alone
You don't want to see the sun go down
I hid in my sweater today over dinner. Watching the white fleecy material sway under my breath while being vaugely aware of the inappropriateness of the situation. I wanted to press my face against the oblivious grey lumps and just exhale. Slowly. Creating an internal vaccum working with the atmosphere to crush my frame into escape.
So what are you gonna do about me
I'll be there when you have no one else
I'll be there, be your friend
Hold on strong, don't let go
There will never be no one to take your place
So don't you want to reach out and take my hand
Change in through-line: Talk to me. I will listen.
Only becuase I am the most unaltruisitc person around, and I need you, to need me.
I vampire on your needs.
Lyrics: Hannah Jane ~ Hootie and the blowfish.
This isn't quite right.
Friday, March 19, 2004
My god, the whole train of selfishness is almost impossible to escape. Self-centeredness self-absorption self-sufficiency all moving together to push the fundamentals out. It is who I am.
Everything is potentially a snare. It's like tripping over your walking stick.
It just sucks when the gifts become more important the giver, and everything becomes twisted and ugly
And all I need to do is to let go
And let God.
Everything is potentially a snare. It's like tripping over your walking stick.
It just sucks when the gifts become more important the giver, and everything becomes twisted and ugly
And all I need to do is to let go
And let God.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
I am who I am
I've wondered at how multi-faceted I am in terms of my personality.
But I am not (no one is) multi-faceted in terms of my Character
very different: who I am and who I am perceived to be.
And to add to that: who I let myself be perceived to be.
So please don't mix this up, for me, or for anyone.
Yes, even if I am the bimbo in geog class who whimers about the complexities of magnetic declination, I am a person. So you can bitch about me being rediculous, but don't reject me for that. We're all different with our individualistic perceptions of normality, turth and what-have-you-nots.
Different does not mean better or worse.
Different does not mean right or wrong.
Differnet does not mean acceptable or not.
Culture and morality are two different things. Now here's the catch:
I build my morality on my culture. even if my culture stems from within the universal church of God, I am here, I am me for a reason. You are here, you are you for that exact same reason.
So, I may never agree, you may never be comfortable, I may never concede, you may never convince.
But, despite all, we can always love
Something worthy to say
Doesn't entail likeing what's there,
It means to respect the differences and to see beyond, and within, and not solely on your grounds.
I've wondered at how multi-faceted I am in terms of my personality.
But I am not (no one is) multi-faceted in terms of my Character
very different: who I am and who I am perceived to be.
And to add to that: who I let myself be perceived to be.
So please don't mix this up, for me, or for anyone.
Yes, even if I am the bimbo in geog class who whimers about the complexities of magnetic declination, I am a person. So you can bitch about me being rediculous, but don't reject me for that. We're all different with our individualistic perceptions of normality, turth and what-have-you-nots.
Different does not mean better or worse.
Different does not mean right or wrong.
Differnet does not mean acceptable or not.
Culture and morality are two different things. Now here's the catch:
I build my morality on my culture. even if my culture stems from within the universal church of God, I am here, I am me for a reason. You are here, you are you for that exact same reason.
So, I may never agree, you may never be comfortable, I may never concede, you may never convince.
But, despite all, we can always love
Something worthy to say
Doesn't entail likeing what's there,
It means to respect the differences and to see beyond, and within, and not solely on your grounds.
Monday, March 15, 2004
Saturday, March 13, 2004
Does me being a christian annoy people?
What did the bible say about being aliens to this world?
"If there were no racial distinctions people would just pick on something else. You just choose what is not you and make yourself superior to that."
~ Jo.
It works both ways. Me and the other, the other and me.
And hence I am a bitch to the 'hello' over the internet. No, it doesn't feel good and yes, i might have an inferiorty complex.
What did the bible say about being aliens to this world?
"If there were no racial distinctions people would just pick on something else. You just choose what is not you and make yourself superior to that."
~ Jo.
It works both ways. Me and the other, the other and me.
And hence I am a bitch to the 'hello' over the internet. No, it doesn't feel good and yes, i might have an inferiorty complex.
STOP WASTING MY TIME
Do something.
~ Sarah to God... and then it was my turn.
Every other moment, I see new reasons, new missions, new projects.
Every other moment, I find more love, more life, more joy.
Every other moment, I feel more grace, more need, more passion.
Every other moment, I face my direction, I understand my meaning, I live in quiet power.
I don't have to ask to be shown glory, it's in the infinity of every single moment.
Do something.
~ Sarah to God... and then it was my turn.
Every other moment, I see new reasons, new missions, new projects.
Every other moment, I find more love, more life, more joy.
Every other moment, I feel more grace, more need, more passion.
Every other moment, I face my direction, I understand my meaning, I live in quiet power.
I don't have to ask to be shown glory, it's in the infinity of every single moment.
Friday, March 12, 2004
Damn...
This is what helplessness feels like
That old dog has chained you up alright
Give you everything you need
To live inside a twisted cage
Sleep beside an empty rage
Maybe it's selfishness. Maybe my love is directed to me. I want the healing to come from me.
I'll rock you till the daylight comes
Make sure you are smiling and warm
I am everything
Tonight I'll be your mother I will
Do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed
~Sophie B. Hawkins
Not for me anyhow.
Time to remind myself that I am a mere human.
And this is what helplessness feels like. To see you suffer and to be unable to do anything about it. Struggling, wrestling and all. Chains. Wearines. Restlessness. Desire. Pain. I don't know which one hurts the most. Maybe it's the fact that you're just there. Not being able to do anything. at. all.
You.
Me.
Everyone else.
...sweet zoe jane
This is what helplessness feels like
That old dog has chained you up alright
Give you everything you need
To live inside a twisted cage
Sleep beside an empty rage
Maybe it's selfishness. Maybe my love is directed to me. I want the healing to come from me.
I'll rock you till the daylight comes
Make sure you are smiling and warm
I am everything
Tonight I'll be your mother I will
Do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed
~Sophie B. Hawkins
Not for me anyhow.
Time to remind myself that I am a mere human.
And this is what helplessness feels like. To see you suffer and to be unable to do anything about it. Struggling, wrestling and all. Chains. Wearines. Restlessness. Desire. Pain. I don't know which one hurts the most. Maybe it's the fact that you're just there. Not being able to do anything. at. all.
You.
Me.
Everyone else.
...sweet zoe jane
Thursday, March 11, 2004
BLOW MY MIND
To all you wonderful people out there!!
This concept never ever fails to amaze me:
Transparency does not mean dependency.
There is a huge distinction between being honest and being dependent on another person for you self-worth.
I've been plagued with the theme of Identity lately (3 paper, 1 study and 1 talk and many conversations). Where is your Identity? where do you place it? where is it embedded? Coming to canada has provoked me. Like crazy. So here's my two-cents worth:
Place your Identity in God and in God alone.
He determines who you are and more importantly your Worth.
When you have established yourself in his unfailing and neverchanging perfect being, relationships become a lot less of a hassle:
In that I can be completely transparent with someone, I can be completely vulnerable, without fearing, without the possiblity of being crushed.
Hurt? yes. Always a possibility. But the magnitude of the pain would be much less, definately not life-shattering. Simply becuase my strength is found in God. Being vulnerable doesn't entail weakness, it entails honesty.
So I can, with full confidence of my Identity in Christ, reach out and build deep, intimate relationships without imposing on another for my self-worth, and without holding myself back, for fear of being crushed.
AMAZING ISN'T IT?
It's all about Jesus.
Blow my mind!!!
To all you wonderful people out there!!
This concept never ever fails to amaze me:
Transparency does not mean dependency.
There is a huge distinction between being honest and being dependent on another person for you self-worth.
I've been plagued with the theme of Identity lately (3 paper, 1 study and 1 talk and many conversations). Where is your Identity? where do you place it? where is it embedded? Coming to canada has provoked me. Like crazy. So here's my two-cents worth:
Place your Identity in God and in God alone.
He determines who you are and more importantly your Worth.
When you have established yourself in his unfailing and neverchanging perfect being, relationships become a lot less of a hassle:
In that I can be completely transparent with someone, I can be completely vulnerable, without fearing, without the possiblity of being crushed.
Hurt? yes. Always a possibility. But the magnitude of the pain would be much less, definately not life-shattering. Simply becuase my strength is found in God. Being vulnerable doesn't entail weakness, it entails honesty.
So I can, with full confidence of my Identity in Christ, reach out and build deep, intimate relationships without imposing on another for my self-worth, and without holding myself back, for fear of being crushed.
AMAZING ISN'T IT?
It's all about Jesus.
Blow my mind!!!
