We are but Clowns

It was pure horror really, to see all all pretenses stripped away with a single line, the distillation of our essence.
No wonder clowns are so Darn scary.

Painful revalation. We saw so much more then could ever be revealed in a lifetime. I never really knew my driving force in life anyway.
"I desprately want it all"
I saw there, in the studio, our cradle, the sheer waste of human life-forms. We're pathetic, hopeless, lost and afraid. With nothing to keep us together but the masks that we wear and in that one line, We threw them away, coming face to face with each other... and ourselves.

I saw there, the "who" and not the "what" of every person. What we thought true of someone, revealed to be nothing more then a symptom of a greater, sadder, more powerful yet simpler truth...

"I'm always alone"
"Whatever... i don't care.. whatever"
"If i smile, everything will be alright"
"I don't know"

And so we sat there, crying, scared. Knowing too much. The truth was what we sought (we were trying to find our inner clown dammit) and we realised that the truth was not worth searching for. At least not the truth of ourselves as humans...

It made us question how we are to live. With these truths or these masks. Perhaps more immediate.. how can we face each other again knowing now that we know each other far beyound what we intended. And how do we face ourselves? How do we Continue knowing how utterly worthless and pathetic we are? Do we convince our clowns that he will one day triumph over the world? Or do we just crumble...

We had never been aware of our condition perhaps, that we indeed believed in the masks we don to protect us from who we are. I never knew that I personally am driven by utter depravity, by a sheer desperation to have everything possible, emotionally, materialistically... So hence i find my source of greed, pride, fear, self-conciousness, worldliness and jealousy. I see why i want attention, why i want to go shopping... and why i am never satisfied... I Desprately want it ALL

If I Had it All

If I were a king
If I had everything
If I had you and I could give you your dreams
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all
Then tell me what in the world would I sing for
If I had it all

I could take anything
If I had no greed to bring
Only the poison that's tainting the clean
Oh, then nothing

If I had it all, you know
I'd fuck it up

If I were a king
If I had everything, piece by piece
If I had you if i could give you your dreams
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all
Then tell me what in the world would I go on for
If I had it all
If I had it all

If I had it all