I've realised we cannot be extreme in what we desire.

I desire peace
But not at the expense of gratefulness.
I would that the world would be at peace, and every man's soul be at rest.
But I would not have ignorance, bigotry, self-centredness and selfishness.
We need a bit of pain to battle that.

Ugh

So what do I do?

With nicotine and sex and alcohol and swearing?

I hate it when I'm prescriptive.
Aren't we all?
But how can I speak so? I know for a fact that I do not define anything.
But you do know that God's standard is ontological?
That's ME... and sometimes, very alone, and it breeds Pride Hateful, unloving pride... and I don't like it.
[silence]
I lose.. against myself.

So what do I do?

With nicotine and sex and alcohol and swearing ... and love?

I'll stick with bleeding thank you.

I cannot judge.
I cannot speak against another whom I do not know.
I cannot define righteous anger for all my CGLish preparation.
Humanity is broader then I know.
I can only apologise for the arrogance i harbour in my heart.

But then again, to say that one is bound by circumstance, robs him of his humanity. His ablility to decide and choose as a rational being.
I still say, I'm too harsh in my perfect life.

flirting with fire

www.pinglet.com
hmmmmmmmm...
[runs over to hold Dennis, doesn't let go.]

human
I play a good game,
but not as good as you
I can be a little cold, but you can be so cruel
I'm not made of brick, I'm not made of stone
But I had you fooled enough
to take me on
If love was a war, it's you who has won
While I was confessing it, you held your tongue
Now the damage is done...

Well there's blood in these veins
And I cry when in pain
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks can deceive
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside
I thought you'd come through,
I thought you'd come clean
You were the best thing I should never have seen
But you go to extremes, you push me too far
Then you keep going 'til you break my heart
Yeah, you break my heart
See I bleed and I bruise, oh, but what's it to you
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks could deceive,
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside
I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn
I'm only human on the inside
I stumble and fall, baby, under it all
I'm only human on the inside
And the damage is done...

I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn
I stumble and fall, baby, I do it all
I'm only human on the inside.

[Kneels and prays] Dear God, please let them see that, and be gentle.



Well now, that makes sense doesn't it?

Tiny

I don't know why i fear so much, I don't understand how I balk at the thought of speaking, of doing anything, in case i trip over my feet.
I know my worth, I just don't trust anyone else too see it.

Showdown in Iraq

With so much public opinion on the war, I can't really iron out how i feel exactly...

war is not right
But that does not make it wrong. It is an outrage to humanity but then again, who are we to decide how we are to live and how humanity functions? We are trapped within our own nature, and we cannot doing anything to change that. War, along with peace and love has it's place in our nature. Sometimes, It is a necessity, no matter how cruel.

You cannot say that you understand
Of course I don't understand how the iraqis feel, Of course i don't understand what it is like to live without food and water and in constant fear and uncertainty. Nor do you. So how can we protest against the body that calls for war if we cannot understand its situation? Some call for peace because they know what it is like to suffer, others cry for war, because they don't want to experience suffering.

Bombing for peace is like F***ing for Virginity
And I wonder how they expect Bush to call of the war. Like "Oh wow, that so makes sense. oh well, i'll just call back my troops from half-way round the globe and give saddam a peace offering."

Of course it is logical. I agree, but then again, short term peace may forfeit the future. It's like removing a cancerous growth, you kill a million other cells, lose all your hair strength, self-confidence... but you live longer. hopefully.

I'd rather save money on the candles and give it to charity
But what the arts community has done is so powerful and uplifting it amazes me. Although i cannot agree with every word spoken, I feel that Lysistrata Lah! and the candle lighting concert has created a spirit of passion and empathy, it has heightened awareness and expressed amazing concern. It was a humanising experience. But we must be careful with the power that such passion wields, biasness and over-reaction is prone to happen. This has done Singapore a lot of good. To some "it's one big party!", for others, a chance to express their intense hatred towards hate (and to teether on the edge of prescriptiveness), for me, a chance to evalutae what i believe in, and what others believe in and to try to solidify my stand.

[capacity-buliding]
I find the previous debates somewhat amusing.
A war about the war.
How can we suggest peace if we cannot demonstrate it ourselves?
What happened to tolernace and understanding?
I find it... stupid.
The group was set-up with democratic ideals, a free space for expression and discussion.
Yet to me, it has somehow turned into a farce.
I'm just glad that the war is over, and i can read articles in peace.

I am in no position to decide
anything.
I do not agree with this war.
There seems to be no wisdom at the reigns.
The Timing,
The words,
The ways,
They do not lie open, blameless and warrented.

So I will sit here, comforted that is life is but a bus stop.

human
I play a good game,
but not as good as you
I can be a little cold, but you can be so cruel
I'm not made of brick, I'm not made of stone
But I had you fooled enough
to take me on
If love was a war, it's you who has won
While I was confessing it, you held your tongue
Now the damage is done...


Well there's blood in these veins
And I cry when in pain
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks can deceive
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside
I thought you'd come through,
I thought you'd come clean
You were the best thing I should never have seen
But you go to extremes, you push me too far
Then you keep going 'til you break my heart
Yeah, you break my heart
See I bleed and I bruise, oh, but what's it to you
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks could deceive,
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside
I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn
I'm only human on the inside
I stumble and fall, baby, under it all
I'm only human on the inside
And the damage is done...

I wish we'd see that in everyone.

I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn
I stumble and fall, baby, I do it all
I'm only human on the inside

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DADDDDDDIIIIIEEEEEEEEE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUUUUUUUU!

Cheers to the man whose DNA i copy
Whose money I spend,
Whose time I consume,
Who has slogged his life to give me a decent home.
Who has guided me from right and wrong... and who tries not to judge.

[Restrains herself from typing anymore, knowing that she cannot be honest in everything she says]

I love you.

Struggle
With double clicking on the flower Icon.

Hi, how are you?

Can't be too much can it?
Why is it too much?
Will it hurt?
It might, you know how things work...

I double click, think again... and close the message box.
The world isn't too forgiving is it?

I had a conversation, and once again I'm awed by you.

How you painfully endured in silence as I flouced around in your face.
How you would never complain even though it moved you to tears.
How you were moved to tears, finding it hard to marry being male and being human.
How you stood there, years on end, in contented silence, listening to selfishness.
How you were happy giving.

How you would try to be sensitive.
How you would help my friends, just because i asked.
How you would help me adjust my posts, so that it'll look nicer.
How you would surprise me with a new blog layout, when I'm half a globe away.
How you would worry about my limbs when i would be happily icing down a moutain side.
How you would dare to confront me with my ugliness, and apologise for not being sensitive about it.
How you would lie to me to make me feel better, only to make me feel worse... :)
How you would do innane things for me, like link a picture to a site.
How you think me to be perfect...
... and beautiful.

Amazing how one post can make you feel small, unimportant and... lousy.

And how one can uplift you and make you feel all warm and cuddly inside.

Still... I hate being marginalized, though I do it myself, all the time.
I'm trying to be my own, holistic, independent being,
Not a reaction to something else,
But it is hard...

GRUNDY

Gone gone gone.
Thank you ling for this little reminder. I miss you all so much.



Solomon Grundy,
Born on a Monday,
Christened on Tuesday,
Married on Wednesday,
Took ill on Thursday,
Worse on Friday,
Died on Saturday
Buried on Sunday,
This is the end of Solomon Grundy...

And for the rest of us.

I remember a time when I felt my worth,
I remember a time when I knew what I needed to know.
I remember a time when I didn't have to feel useless,
I remember a time when I had pride in what was involved in.
I remember a time when I grew without competition.
I remember a time when I feared little.

Which Stupid Stereotype Are You?

this quiz was made by Erin


How true is this stupid world?



Take the Purrsonality Quiz!

Purrrrrrrrrrrrr... yes well, maybe

Do I have a date?



Do I have another Date?

Me Myself and...I

There's so much talk of selfishness.
The primary function of the blog springs from that vice too doesn't it? The ownership of space that is entirely, exclusively... yours.
I have been accused of selfishness all my life.

So why scream?
We are ALL solipsistic
when I say "I want you to be happy" that comes with the prerequsite that I'm happy too.
We are all creatures of necessity, and sometimes, sadly, friendship needs a reason.
Though depressing, this is not overwhelming.
We cannot live in the romances in our minds.

It's Human nature. To question such, only reflects it so.
"why are they so darn selfish?"
They only are because i want them to think of me.
It's something I cannot purge within me, and I can only learn how to accept.
I learn to see that their fault is mine and that there is no point in doing anything but to compromise...
Maybe that's why I die.

That's why maybe, My Best Friend's Wedding is a good movie after all...

No Blood For Oil
My T-shirt annouces that I am an ardent supporter of the anti-war movement.

The ironies are astounding.

The war, in little sunny singapore, has a curious effect...
For one, differing opinions become topics of hot debate, ending in severe verbal conflict, complete with the name calling.
A war about a war.
A war on peace.

I do not agree with this war,
But I am not a pacifist.
I cannot say that war is justified,
But I do not believe that it is indespensible.

When one man wrestles alone, struggling between spirit and flesh, he symbolises war.

With all this about being one with humanity, about seeing that we are all equal and the same, that we are all HUMAN. Once we recognise this, we can do away with prejudice.

with humanity comes it's flaws, and with it, prejury.
So we become one with humanity,
We see we are all the same,
We see we are all human,
We see we are all flawed,
We see we are all inclined to prejury,
We see we are all polaric in nature.
We epitomise conflict.

Why do we try to fight against ourselves? are we not, just another war?

There are many things we cannot change... our humanity being one of them.

Peace is the greatest gift we can give our children

And we would breed an entire earthful of Singaporeans.
Absolut.

So I'm extreme, Yes i love peace, but not ignorance,
Without the fire there can be no strength.
We need to know when to stop. Both ways.

Thank god for our humanity.

If I were Mr Bush...
... standing at the pentagon window, watching a sea of disarrayed protestors, armed with picket fences and flowers. Chanting obscenities, laughing drunkedly, and dancing like it's a big party....

Am i supposed to stop the darn war?

I protest.
And I'd like to reflect the solomnity of the situation, the scantity of human life.
I protest.
And I'd like to show intelligence, reasonablity, and rationalism.
I protest.
And I'd like be self-aware when I do so, understanding that I am not universally correct, that my views, as his, are based on personal perception and morality, and who am I to judge?
I protest.
And I'd like to see protestors create a force to be reckoned with, a force that sways the heart, not the hand.
I protest.
I bleed.
I hurt.
I cry.
Why can't I do anything more?

I was in the shower (a most glamourous place to be sometimes) and I spoke with my imagination.

[pause] well, to be painfully honest, I don't think I'm ready yet.

Why not?

[she ponders, trying to word her feelings right] well, It's because I have always regarded the arts community in singapore as a tight circle of elites. The regard I hold for some of them is beyond the respect warrented to a senior for a junior in any other circumstance. So until I can see the artistes here as 3-dimensional individuals who incidentally spring from the same pool of humanity as i did, I will not be able to give myself the proper self-respect and understanding that I would need to utilize my full potential...

Of course, my imagination was satisfied, encouraging and impressed.

Maybe the first sign that I'm vaugely ready is when I quit living in the bathroom.